how in the world brides to be planned their wedding pre-internet i will never know. i'm dead seriuos, it really is nearly impossible to even fathom how one went about it. perhaps it explains why the norm use to be a year long engagement full of wedding preparations. now-a-days( and i love things concerning now-a-days) , there really is no reason why it should take any longer than a month. of course, unless your one of those crazy highland park chics who must have their wedding at the methodist hot spot and therefore have to reserve the chapel ten years in advance. otherwise, like myself, in a mere day spent surfing the web you can arrange for your flowers, your catering, and have all driving directions to the variuos places mapped and printed out using yahoo maps. it's effortless, really. it would be nice, albeit, to know with my own two eyes what the flowers will look like-but, i suppose, even a bride who has been able to visit her florist isn't fully aware, until the big day, of the condition of the flowers or how well he/she arranged them for that particular day. the only way to accurately gage the future is to examine the past, and all that can be done via photo albumns and customer reviews.

as for the dreary task of registering: instead of pulling a rope tied around jon's neck down aisle after aisle of glassware and towels and lamps, i created an online account at target and crate n' barrel; and from the comfort of my apartment was able to inquire from jon, as he watched tv, what he wanted to be apart of in selecting and what he could give two shits about. it was painless for him and therefore painless for me. once again, it is no wonder pre-internet brides, or those who chose to go about things the old fashioned way, turn into bridezillas.

when it comes to weddings, the internet holds the key to the tranquility. that i'm almost sure of.

now, as i've been writing this i've heard something very disturbing about pregnant woman who experience ungodly amounts of gas. like me. the tall tell is that those sort of woman give birth to hairy babies just as a pregnant woman whose stomach looks like a basketball will have a girl and a watermelon tummy means a boy. i'm not soo vain that i'm mortified at an above average hairy tot, it's that i burb more than i breathe right now-i go to sleep beltching, i wake up beltching, i take a shower beltching, and so on so forth. it is non-friggin-stop. my fear is that, because of the incessant gas, i'm going to have a monkey.

"evalyn the monkey child",

understand?!?