Tuesday, December 28, 2004


this may be the longest break from blogging in my two and a half year stint doing this thing. you wouldn't believe how, literally, in demand me and my time are. we might be hotter than lindsey lohan or scarlett johansberg. might, i re-iterate, humbly. and humbly because, unlike my similaties fast and glamorous lives, i have had time to sit in front of my computer, in my pjs two nights since my last post, and, write two, very, rough drafts; in addition to the fact that my life isn't in the least a tad bit glamorous. but that's on the dl. as to the posts in waiting- one was about christmas shopping on christmas eve and the other about the tsunami in asia. both have left me a little contemplative, a little distraught, and alot drained. at this very moment in time, i'm sitting at the end of the bar here at my work. so, obviously, i'm also a little distracted. just wanted to leave something before i go to new york tomorrow.

Friday, December 24, 2004

one of the best phrases i 've heard lately was in an interview on npr about christmas music, highlighting the segment was a review of the oc's christmas cd, "have a very merry chrismukkah". the critic referred to the show, oc, as having an element of, "profound superficialism". this he went onto to conclude aided in the landscape of the albumn. but it was the phrase, not the songs or the final word of the review that stuck to me. like glue.

just earlier this afternoon as i connected the dots from one store to another, in haste to finish my christmas shopping before the stores finished their christmas eve work day, my mind, without warning or instigation, went there-back to that phrase. and i couldn't help but notice- in marketing attempts, in my fellow shoppers, in myself, at how we're all obsessed with it, with profound superficialism. it's not something i would ever want to admit: being a ridiculous by-product of pop dichotomy, but it's worth noting for the sake of honesty, that i do. every period in time is given an age: the age of reason, the age of enlightenment, the dark age, the age of imperialism, and now, the age of profound superficialism.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

kate and i, sitting on the floor in target, stared lustily at the fondue kit marked down to $25 from $40. neither of us had ever, up until this moment, thought of owning our very own we admitted. hours before, we were enjoying the remarkable december weather on a patio just blocks away and somehow, without being aware of it, our day had progressed to christmas shopping.

the fondue kit was like nothing i had ever seen; it was shiny and sheek and i thought about the late night snacks i could make for jon and i with it, and how rad that would be. then i contradicted the radness with practicality, and thought about how rad it would be to have a tv, or let's say pots and pans first.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

hands down, the best (blog)compliment to date:

"your words are serious and steeped in conviction. your pictures are silly and smothered with slapstick. you seem like an appropriate blend of frowns and grins. like a spork."

Saturday, December 18, 2004

i don't know which is worse: vomiting out whatever seems to come up the fastest, or, not vomiting at all.

and by vomiting, i'm meaning: writing, relating, revealing, and sharing.

time is more popular than ever these days; and i, myself, am barely able to allocate ten minuetes for myself, let alone reflect on anything past the peripheral of the obsolete. like right now, it's 4:10am. i've worked 15hours. i'm beat.

perhaps soon, i'll find the time to ruminate and marinate in the days events; in the changing seasons; in my, dare i admit above a whisper of vulnerability, inamorato; in the music blasting at my chest, and the masterpiece of all that which it accompanies and embodies.

until then, i have my vices in place: a bottle of spanish red wine, a box of chocolates, and richard ashcrofts voice-that right there isn't a bad place to start and end.

Friday, December 17, 2004

blessed house slippers

during the course of my day many a things i set to accomplish. one of which is laundry. i think it's been over a week since i put my lights into the washer, and in the washer they have stayed. luckily for me, work requires i wear black. however, not luckily for me, i'm fresh out of socks and my floors are hardwood; hardwood that feels like a frozen pond during this time of the year. but i have house slippers, little balernia house slippers with beads. their my very first pair and after their rescue this evening, i'm pretty sure, a lifelong neccesatity. either that or socks that grow on a tree...like my money one.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

winter comes, winter goes but jean jackets last forever.

this is dallas not detriot and definately not moscow-i've skated through every chilly winter since the days of my parents buying me clothes, without one... apart from the peroidical jean jacket and over sized scarf (if that even counts). mostly because (a.)i didn't want to spend x amount of my paycheck on one, partially because (b.)i'm so damn practical and knew living in the dirty south that there is no real need, and alot because (c.) knowing myself and the amount i would be able to spend, i knew i wouldn't be able to afford the type of jacket i would want.

this year however things have a new spin; a big apple spin. yep, me and the honnies( belle, sj, rach, and jackie) will be boarding jet planes at the end of this month to spend new years eve in new york city. and from what weather.com tells me, a brrrrrr new york, new york.

i'm planning on packing more jeans and trousers than i will skirts, and that's a first. and the skirt i am packing, because i plan things this far ahead, it's true, when worn, will be worn with stockings underneath. green stockings at that (the homolicious sales guy at club monaco revealed to me that if he was a girl he would live in colored stockings. how could any girl resist such a pitch, huh?). in my planning mode i also succembed to the fact that i need to get a real deal winter coat for the new york nights ice-skating in rockerfeller center or the afternoon walk around central park looking for the modern or the strolls back to our place in soho after nightcaps at a restaurant. and i'm trying. i'm trying so damn hard to find one i like. i've even taken the lid of my piggy bank and decided to let my heart yearn after whatever it feels like yearning after. which has entailed thus far: club monaco, a/x, regular priced gap, jcrew, banana republic, and marc jacobs online; and after weeks of this sort of unleashed girl gone wild flights of fancy and mall scavenging, i've yet to find a jacket. i've bought two. returned two. have none.

anyone with suggestions will be worshiped and praised. i'm looking for something well fitted, warm, and that doesn't have a V cut to it. i'm willing to entertain the idea of faux fur lining, as that seems to be"all the rage", but i prefer to keep it simple, cute, and sophisicated. black is ideal. leather is not. it's 4am. i give this as a disclaimer if this post is horribly incoherent and lame. the spelling and grammar blunders, everyone knows, have nothing to do my sharpness, but merely, my private school edimaction. *wink-wink*

sweet dreams.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

concerning mankind: things i can't stand

-the use of um's and uh's in one's speech.
-over chatty women.
-men who walk like their on steroids.
-people who say they're ready to order then breeze the menu while you stand there, as if your not busy and the world revolves around them.
-people who try to seem intelligent. subtle intelligence(and ignorance) is a lost art if you ask me.
-unwarranted opinions and power trips.
-people not turning right in the right hand lane at a red light.
-people having conversations on their cell phones while hanging out with friends or in the car with someone else. my mother never allowed us to talk on the phone with another friend if we had a friend over and i think if more people would have had a mother as set on being proper and courtesies as mine, the world would be a better place.
-people with a basket over pouring with groceries in the 10 items or less lane.
-people with a basket over pouring with groceries in the 10 items or less lane who don't offer to let you, the person behind them with a pint of ice-cream and laundry detergent, go ahead of them.
-people who assume more than they don't; and people who make judgements about you, or who you are, without really knowing anything about you. geezes, i wish it was acceptable to stick my tongue out at such people.
-people who gossip as if they're not really gossiping.
-shady mechanics. i'm sick of men thinking they can prey on my wallet just because i'm a little girl,who in reality, doesn't really now that much about engines and brakes. but still, fcck you shady mechanic!
-liter bugs. ewhhhhhhhh, this subterranean species of mankind irks me the most. how hard is it to wait till your at the gas station to throw away the sack from arby's?!? come on now!
-loud people.
-children at nice restaurants.
-the mind set that: what the minority wills should over-power what the majority wills.

and on that i'll wink and wince.

Monday, December 06, 2004

"big city missie"...?!?

for years i ate, drank, and slept the idea of moving somewhere else. dallas was mundane and i was over it, so i thought. but the day came, without warning, and i began to love-to understand, all this fine city had to offer; i began to feel like i belonged to a scene that wouldn't be the same without me--but mostly, i created some absolutely incredible "once in a lifetime" friendships.

i've never really understood the appeal of the suburbs, not for the life of me. while dallas may not be a mecca of the metropolitan lifestyle, it neverless has a certain mystical air of 'the city' to it. for example: we take cabs to
bars, we eat at restaurants with sous chefs, we shop at boutiques specializing in euro fashion, we walk our dogs on sunny days, we spend sunday mornings listening to live jazz while we enjoy brunch, we know good music and good wine, we read the new york times and love our starbucks, and we frequent touring art exhibitions. damnit, we are city-hear us roar!

and so, the thought of leaving all this behind is really difficult to fathom...but as it thought of living without jon.


i have have some seriuos thinking to do, obviously.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

it's 2:30am and i'm up...making penut n'butter toast, reading(well, was reading) the others blogs, and listening to parachutes. this whole, "burning the midnight oil" thing is purely accidental. so is listening to parachutes. now, the pb toast on the other hand, for that i would wake up in the middle of the night for, intentionally and purposefully. i would even, dare i lie, scale the great wall of china for just one delicious bite. add honey and bananas, and i'd even go back to highschool...for a day.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

could you put a heart on your rubber first, please. (this post is brought to you by being awake really late and a distant, but relatable, subject from candied ginger concerning coffee, the overwhelming and, in this case, unsuccessful disfranchisement of personal predilection from "lifeless homogeny" activists, and christmas.)

across the globe, on december 1st, aids awareness and human rights groups rally for the attention of the world. their message: a.)"HIV is an issue for everyone", and b.) "the only way we can stop it spreading is by creating a more AIDS Aware society in which everyone takes action".

and so, the powers that be, from here in the united states to south africa, implement various campaigns and channel millions, if not billions, of dollars in the effort that these various campaigns will be, hopefully, successful.

in china, after years of the chinese government denying that AIDS was a growing epidemic, president hu jintao went to an AIDS hospital and shook patients hands. other asian countries, such as thailand, have committed to raise awareness that woman and children are at high risk to be infected due to gender inequalities that force woman in marriages with husbands that frequent infected prostitutes. in germany, they measured the size of their penises. no shit. in south africa, where a quarter of the population carries the HIV virus, government officials renewed their vows to promote prevention, tackle stigma and discrimination and speed up distribution of antiretroviral drugs which keep the virus at bay. here in the states, we to renewed our vows to work with a wide array of partners to support and sustain HIV/AIDS prevention, treatment, and care strategies; that political leaders and opinion makers at all levels will speak out on the grave dangers of the disease and against stigma and discrimination and help to disseminate accurate, life-saving information.

this vow goes beyond our borders and to the door of botswana, of cote d’ivoire, of ethiopia, of kenya, of mozambique, of namibia, of nigeria, of rwanda, of south africa, of tanzania, of uganda, of zambia, of haiti, and of guyana--where this vow takes the shape of fifteen million dollars. here at these green piles of millions of dollars non-governmental organizations, including faith- and community- based groups; private corporations; donor and developing governments; and international organizations such as the joint united nations program on HIV/AIDS, the world health organization, and the global fund all contest for more funding.

the legislation responsible for creating and implementing the emergency plan for AIDS relief plan also emphasizes the use of the 'abc' model (abstain, be faithful, use crubbers) ,which has been (albeit my their own claims) proven effective in uganda, where the adult prevalence rate of about 5% - one of the lowest in sub-saharan africa - represents a reduction of more than 50%. this though has funding dependent organizations with a thing against christainity/bush panties all up in a knot. mary crewe, director of the centre for the study of AIDS at the university of pretoria, revolted with this statement against the 'abc' model,

"ABC is a middle-class, middle-aged response to an epidemic, all overlaid with a kind of morality that doesn't hold any more."

she said that on these grounds,

"In countries where there are very high levels of sexual activity around, with social dislocation, family breakdowns, sugar daddies, with young people bored and with nothing to do, to suddenly come in and say you should stop having sex is absolutely ludicrous."

while that statement sounds as ludicrous as her supposing encouraging abstinence from horny kids vulnerable to a cureless killer virus is ludicrous, the remainder of what she told an afp reporter is worth considering: that women who faced coercive sex from a husband who had been infected by a prostitute and young girls pressured into marriage or coaxed into intercourse with an older, infected man; that in these situations, the problem was not abstinence, fidelity or even condoms, but rights, legal protection, female empowerment, education and poverty.

so...i ask myself,

"if we're encouraging the use of condoms, but it won't help-and if we're encouraging abstinence, but it can't help either, than what-what in the hell are all these groups bitching about the 'abc' model not working as well as the encouragement of rubbers would?!?"

the fact is, the 'abc' model sure does encourage men to pull that rubber hose up and over mr.happy- but with the recent statistics released, the most prevalent concern should no longer be about the education and availability of condoms but on what are we going to do about poverty in these countries; what are we going to do to empower these woman to have a choice in what jobs they can have, what man they will marry and divorce if his wanker ventures to a whore and more importantly, when and with whom they will or will not have sex with. that is what these groups should be crying bloody murder over. the fact that they are not and instead crying boohoo over a model that emphatizes (in addition to the rubbers don't forget) a moral that resembles a christian moral that bush so happened to implement, makes me wonder,

"what are these groups in it really for?!?"