by this time tomorrow i assume i'll be holding my child, outside of my uterus. yes, my whole world is about to change, more than it already has, more than i'm sure i can project, imagine. there will be family in the waiting room; i wish some of them where the ones i'm more familar with, more comfortable with. neverless, they will be there: excited, elated, thrilled, and overwhelmed with the same sense of awe and gratefulness jon and i both share. my mother won't be far behind in the festivities. she'll make it a few hours late but, undoubtedly, in need, by me.
jon has his clothes laid out; i went to old navy today and bought an outfit i hope will fit the new transitional body of me; the diaper bag is loaded with diapers, nursing bra pads, numerous onesies, booties, mittens, a hand stitched hat from stephanie, a blanket from rachel, and a soft square toy that won some grand toy prize. tonight, before i attempt at going to bed i'll place everything by the front door. then in the morning: make sure i remember my cell phone charger, tooth brush, tooth paste, lou has a full dish of food, all the lights are off, and the baby's room is dust free (an on-going battle between me and dead skin cells!) . and i bet i'll cry all the way to the hospital. i don't need to see the little guy to know i already possess an immense amount of love for him i never knew was humanly possible-to know i'm hours( then in the morning even closer) to holding this thing i love more than anything else, makes me all light headed, flushed with so many emoutions it's hard to breathe them all in one breath. love has reached a new dimension i never knew existed.
at some point i'll make it back here. unfortunately until we get the internet at home, i'll have no pictures to upload, but i'll have stories and a baby.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
i dreampt the other night i found this truely adorable diaper bag for ten dollars. it was italian and leather. and on friday night i caught myself at a firework show checking out other mom's strollers; mentally comparing, rating, which ones i would like, conrad would like, look good in. i'm forcing myself to get my hair cut tomorrow. it's been too long and things are getting unruly; i need to keep the balance, i'm afraid one day i'll be That poor lady on What Not To Wear or Ten Years Younger. it's consuming, and all i want to do is throw myself into it's throngs: conrad emery. forget the fact my roots are terrifying, forget every owning a pair of prada high heeled boots, forget it all. god, i'm stoked. it really could be any moment now. Now. but if it's not he'll, whether he likes it or not, be here on the 19th. that's the docs orders.