faces that blur, memories that kiss

i'm dying for interaction and reason. it's an inate part of my nature; to believe, to trust, the act of sharing, discovering, and loving. past the superficial delving into a true connection and revelation. striken to remebering secrets that were never whispered but shouted in mute, the notes written on autumn leaves that would float into my inbox, those nights spent on hidden patios laughing and drinking, wishing and planning a summer in st.petersburg....a sign that i haven't lost it. that somewhere it's there-we're there, all of us...my friends, me, and that great connection that tied us to eternity-the understanding of what should be made and kept important.

each day that passes in this solitude from closeness and purpose, i feel, a piece of me is lost.

if home is where the heart is than, "i've been blowing around like trash on the freeway out, far from home".

i'm grabbing. i'm keeping some at a distant reach, cautious as to their and my motives...unsure if i want to subsitute or subscribe while pleading to be taken inside.
i've been fooling myself.
this is so dreary. this: the effort it takes to forget those friendships and dreams made while sleeping with your heart wide open.

in another song,
"oh take me back to the start"