like most aggrievances, things usually start with a single domino knocking over the next, and then the next, till the kinetic torrent reaches it's grand finale...triggering a bad mood. unfortunately for me and everyone that comes in my path, i start the day in motion thanks to pregnancy mood swings. this morning it was a trip to the grocery store with conrad that sent me over the edge. up until last week shopping with conrad was less than desirable but still do-able, then one bright beautiful moody day we were at Target-i was picking through the sale rack looking for maternity clothes talking to conrad all the meanwhile. it hadn't been, oh i don't know, a minuet or two, when i looked up from the floral prints to see that conrad had been busy doing some shopping of his own: he had in fact pulled an entire row of shirts from off the rack and into our cart. as i went to re-hang them up and try to convey why we shouldn't do such things, he went to pull them back down. at this juncture conrad was in the back of the cart, being in the front where i could semi-control him, had already been decided against within the first few seconds of walking in/climbing up my head so i wouldn't be able to maneuver his legs into the front of the cart. i then decided he absolutely needed to be exactly where he would fight me not to be, and he did. the saga went on and alas i left with a few things i had gone there for and a few snacks i had not. it was the beginning of the end.
this mornings trip was no different. except for at the grocery store conrad wanted to open and eat everything i threw in the cart: the box of cherrios, the unwashed grapes, the still greenish bananas, the goldfish crackers, the gallon of milk, the block of cheese, and the twix candy bar i was hoping to enjoy all to myself. and every time i would stop to look at something he would stand up (safety straps don't work for him because he has already figured out how those work) and lunge with a glee into my arms as if we were at the park and doing so was as perfectly normal as willy wonka enslaving ompa lompa's to work in his psychedelic candy compound is.
so there in the bread aisle i am struggling to keep him from standing up whilst emitting a cool, patient composure; i have stopped the cart and with a hurting back, a sharp pain in my vagina from the hernia, i'm earnestly explaining to conrad why it is so important he keep his tushie down while he is in the cart when a mom with a sleeping infant interrupts me and asks if she can get by.
*please allow for a long pause*
i turned around. glared. and pushed us out of the way.
by all means it was an acceptable request, however, my mind played something like this:
sure i'm in the way and even though you could just back up four feet and go around me it is totally acceptable that i should have to stop what i'm trying to do so i can listen to your screechy voice and let you by. but no. it's not. because i'm 7 months pregnant and by virtue of that my body already hates me and my emotions are everywhere and here i am at the friggin grocery store with a toddler who wants nothing more than to push the cart into other people and displays of stacked cereal boxes, and you dear mrs. new mother, well, you'll know better one day and i hope you remember me and this look of disgust i am giving you now.
i left the grocery store in the baddest of moods, but thanks to pregnancy mood swings, the pendulum has already swung the other way and i no longer do i want to feed that mothers baby to a pack of hungry wolves.