if i would have read my horoscope yesterday it probably would have read, "your f'ed".
i'm not going to, and i don't lament the slew of character scrutiny i was forced to undergo. as martyristic as this is going to sound, i actually, in some weird sort of way, relish such occasions. not for the stinging regret it brings, or the shame, or for the downward-inward introspect that insists you work it out in your heart, but for the bettering i hope it will bring.
i see it as an episode of What Not To Wear, and me as the fashion victim coming to be rescued with a $5000 credit card to Saks-but in this scenario-instead of coming mirror to mirror with all my fashion faux pas, i'm face to face with my inner ickiness and after a few wardrobe lessons and a clean sweep of my closet, everyone around me is relieved i'm no longer blazing around in blouses with shoulder pads coupled with gyspy skirts.
the painful thing about this time is i swear i've been here before. i had crossed this bridge. burnt this demon. i guess that's the thing about areas we struggle with: their ability to sneak back at any given moment. it's lesson for me to be more vigilant with myself, my words, my inability to filter emotions and judgements through the graces of God. i'm referring to bluntness; to the rawness.
after an entire day spent dredging the trenches, i realized to be successful, i must realize such success is not within me, but relying on "through Christ".
and knowing that makes it seem a whole lot easier.