broken down missie

i was telling myself to wait, give it time, put the goggles of perspective on, but the feelings of restlessness and discontent were heavy, too heavy and too much to push aside or keep inside any longer. i reached for the phone and called someone who cared: "i hate it here", i told jon. there it was: ugly and real, though a tad dramatic. he attempted at reasoning why i was breaking down: it was because i had nothing to do during the day, it was because there isn't much in terms of job selection, it was because i'm use to financially contributing more than i currently am, it was because their isn't much to do here in the winter, and it was because all in all, i'm bored; but all that would change, in time. i agreed with him that all those explanations were true, very true, and reasons in a way but the real deal was, and is, that i need city and that wouldn't change anytime soon. i need to feel apart of something bigger. i thrive off ambition and innovation, it gives me hope for purpose: purpose beyond being content, which is exactly the vibe of a small town. i don't want to knock it, for a lot of folks that is their cup o' tea. just not mine.

i'm really, really jaded with waiting tables. it was never meant to last this long, and yet it has. i would love to go back to school to get my degree; and medford, with SOU right here, cheap living accommodations, and financial aid waiting for jon, is a logical and ideal place to do it. however, the thought of waiting tables in addition to living in this small town for such a timely extant has me wringing my hands. i've been researching other alternatives that i could do while i'm in school to sustain myself, comfortably, afloat. the two possibilities would require certification that, in turn, would require a few months: massage therapy or becoming a flight attendant. the later my favorite. massage therapy takes about six months and 7000 dollars; becoming a flight attendant would necessitate living in another city for a few weeks for training and then be willing to relocate to one of their designated hub cities( seattle, portland, or denver). and that, the whole hub city relocation requirement, had the alternative seeking an alternative.

then last night jon gave me the go on portland, so next week i'm heading off to portland for a group interview(and to pick up my dad from the airport!!!). who knows what, if anything, will come out of it, but at least hope is back in business and the break down is under control.