i've been extremely fortunate to have found a group of great and fun friends. so fantastic, such good times that i have a hard time remembering ALL the stories and moments from beginning to end. like when steph lost her digi camera that she bought in japan at michelle's birthday party(see picture above). ryan fitz had taken over camera responsalibity, which in hindsight was a really bad idea since he and kate had just broken up and thus was drinking Alot. it seemed like everytime you went to scratch your nose fitzy and bright flashes were there: capturing the moment. no doubt there was to come from that party some real gems, like michelle laying on random people or tay flirting with a highschool girl or marcus breaking the hamcock by attempting to jump on me in it. unfortunately, the next day when headaches and giggles emerged at the recolation from the night before events the camera did not. we tried to pin the tail on the guilty one, we cleaned the house and our cars, we called people, but in the end the camera was MIA. fitzy said he gave it to me when we were laying on the broken hammock but i was half passed out and don't remember that ever happening.

then there was the time i ended up spending an entire night at baylor hospital. not as a patient but in the waiting room waiting for a patient. i can't recall how we all ended up in my car or where i was going but that is how it all started. cp, evan, shane, and i were driving down ross avenue when, for some reason, we decided to pull over and try to jump over these huge bushes. one after another we would run and jump but not a single one of us could make it over...then shane got seriuosly airborned and over he went crashing to the concrete earth below-breaking his arm. shane now lives in san diego and when he heard jon and i were going to get hitched down there, offered his professional hook-up to repay me for the night i spent in the ER waiting for him.

good times, good friends.

"Love is the place that you're drawn to.
Looking into space it surrounds you.
Love is that face that you're drawn to"

i've spent some time this morning searching some of my favorite stores websites for a white dress. i found one darling unattainable little number over at marc jabobs and another one on sale at anthropologie but dears... i think i'm going to ask my future mother in law to shorten my thrift store bought hippie dress. you know the one that i've always joked around about being my future wedding dress, yes that One. it'll go perfect with bare feet and lip gloss. as for what to do for "here comes the bride" i've come up with a stellar idea: i'll ask my favorite lyrist, now living in san diego, if he wouldn't mind strumming an ol' getair during the procession. maybe some lips, maybe something to take everyone wayyyy back. whatever i choose, if jonny v. takes up my plea, i know it'll be perfect. this is coming together just beautifully!

i had accomplished the most important: i had picked out a locale for the wedding. but not because i couldn't see myself getting married anywhere else but because invitations needed to be made so flights could be booked. it was a selection based on neccesatity, nothing more.

for the past two weeks the morning sickness has been crippling and, often, last throughout the day; disabling me from accomplishing or eating much of anything.

despite jon's argument that it only Just started getting cold here, i feel as if winter arrived just a week or two after we did. and almost as much as i miss my friends, my neighborhood, the allgood, and queso-i really miss sunshine too. which lead me to wanting a honeymoon somewhere warm, which lead me to wanting a honeymoon somewhere tropical, which lead me to browsing airfare to hawaii on priceline, which lead me to a cheaper alternative: a cruise.

however, with a baby on the way, me not having a steady income, and the duty and financial obligation of putting on a wedding production meant there would be no honeymoon...no cruise...no sunshine. and in the end a wedding neither of us really wanted.

so jon and i did exactly what needed be done: we cancelled the wedding in oregon and opted to do a small and intimate ceremony on the beach in san diego. and i couldn't be more stoked. no decorating, no catering, no fancy bridal gown we really can't afford anyways, no rentals, no boring dinner rehearsal, and no headaches. together with just our families and close friends barefoot on the beach. ohh yes, and a cruise to the mexican rivieria.

if i can pull myself together, this day could be immensely productive; if i could fight the woozies, i would really like to eat, like, everything in the fridge; if i could find it in me to get ready, i would, undoubtedly, love to go get myself a smoothie.

a wood pecker woke me up at the crack of dawn's bohinny so i'm a tad cranky. i've spent the entire morning thus far registering for wedding gifts online so i'm a tad fried as well. but i have a feeling it's blue skies from here.

so over breakfast, over the weekend, a wedding plan was put into action. i hate to spring it on my friends, family, and myself so suddenly; unfortunately, that's the way it has to be. as soon as i nail down the locale i'll have an exact date, but as for now, the tentative plan is the first week in janurary. ideally i would love to have it in lithia park come summer but as i'm learning their are a million little things to consider when day dreaming and dealing with new found reality. i sincerely hope this doesn't detour those who were planning on coming in the summer yet i completely understand how it would.

well, i'm up to my eye balls in things that need to get down.

when a spoonful weighs a ton

i really can't reveal. i want to because it's all i can think about, and trying to think about anything else is more than futile. it's amazing how i never noticed before the songs, the television shows, the commercials, or the aisle at target and the grocery store specifically for it; it's eye opening when your world recieves another world and more baffeling how blind you were to that world before.

happy birthday to 'the rach'. white russians and good times for everyone!

opportunist with great wit love myspace, clearly:

this is as wrong and disturbing as this. not to mention, really funny.

"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair."
-Ron Burgandy

more than i hate thinking or feeling negative thoughts, i hate sharing them. (they) seem so petty when you look back, and so i usually try to, internally, wait out the storm. however, yesterday i let the shit fly and now i feel all poopy. yes, poopy. medford has some serious redeeming qualities: the horizon is absolutely beautiful and jon is here.

i remember a conversation heather and i had at a coffee house in austin while living there; i really liked austin-the trails, the music scene, the encouragement of earth conscience living, the shops, the variety of different things to be apart of or do, and just the overall "vibe"-but i didn't know a single person and since i couldn't find a job, i was still commuting to dallas every weekend; and so i was contemplating dropping school and moving back to dallas. heather had a similar experience when she went off to baylor for school; she spent 6 months in utter misery and then she met a girl in one of her classes and they became(and still are) the bestest of friends. she advised i give it 6 months before calling it quits or even fixate on the negative.

i didn't adhere to her council-i quit school and moved back to the big d. now, in austin, i have a plethora of friends living there. though i don't regret it, i know i would have found great happiness and fulfillment in a city i loved had i waited out the storm of loneliness. and since i didn't take heather's advice the first time, i'm taking it now.

broken down missie

i was telling myself to wait, give it time, put the goggles of perspective on, but the feelings of restlessness and discontent were heavy, too heavy and too much to push aside or keep inside any longer. i reached for the phone and called someone who cared: "i hate it here", i told jon. there it was: ugly and real, though a tad dramatic. he attempted at reasoning why i was breaking down: it was because i had nothing to do during the day, it was because there isn't much in terms of job selection, it was because i'm use to financially contributing more than i currently am, it was because their isn't much to do here in the winter, and it was because all in all, i'm bored; but all that would change, in time. i agreed with him that all those explanations were true, very true, and reasons in a way but the real deal was, and is, that i need city and that wouldn't change anytime soon. i need to feel apart of something bigger. i thrive off ambition and innovation, it gives me hope for purpose: purpose beyond being content, which is exactly the vibe of a small town. i don't want to knock it, for a lot of folks that is their cup o' tea. just not mine.

i'm really, really jaded with waiting tables. it was never meant to last this long, and yet it has. i would love to go back to school to get my degree; and medford, with SOU right here, cheap living accommodations, and financial aid waiting for jon, is a logical and ideal place to do it. however, the thought of waiting tables in addition to living in this small town for such a timely extant has me wringing my hands. i've been researching other alternatives that i could do while i'm in school to sustain myself, comfortably, afloat. the two possibilities would require certification that, in turn, would require a few months: massage therapy or becoming a flight attendant. the later my favorite. massage therapy takes about six months and 7000 dollars; becoming a flight attendant would necessitate living in another city for a few weeks for training and then be willing to relocate to one of their designated hub cities( seattle, portland, or denver). and that, the whole hub city relocation requirement, had the alternative seeking an alternative.

then last night jon gave me the go on portland, so next week i'm heading off to portland for a group interview(and to pick up my dad from the airport!!!). who knows what, if anything, will come out of it, but at least hope is back in business and the break down is under control.

don't mind if i do

beware: i have half bottle of syrah in my left hand...i already brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, turned off the tube, but somewhere from the wine journal to the kitchen i ended up with another glass, and on here. funny how these things work...after a glass and a half...and a hour later. never claimed i could hold me liquor, oh wait, yep there it is at the top. whatever.

well tonight ladies and gentlemen i cooked: i prepared the glaze, i grilled the salmon, i sautated the bell peppers, i diced the apples, i scooped the ice cream, i opened the wine, i light the candels, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. goodness, i'm so self-absorbed when i drink, and not entirely honest at that. you see, jon, despite my urging him to let me take care of him, insisted on helping me. so the two of us, technically, cooked dinner tonight.

earlier this afternoon, while i was out birthday gift shopping in ashland, i recieved a gift of my own: snow! it was the wildest thing ever; and tomorrow, after i get a new friggin battery for the camera, i'll post *A picture of it.

*sour subject, and that's all for me.

why does it seem no matter how many groceries i buy i can never find anything to eat. what i want this morning for breakfast is a bowl of strawberries, pineapples, bananas, and oranges. but even if i had all those yummy things in my fridge i would still be in want: i'm terribly spoiled when it comes to eating-i would rather go to a cafe and spend for someone else to fix it for me. someone like the allgood. hmmm, a number one: eggs over hard, biscuit, sausage, a side of sliced avocados, oh and some apple butter for my biscuit. good gog, what i wouldn't do for a fix right now.

i've seriously considered how i could have michelle mail some allgood to me but every scenario my mind takes me on ends in food poisoning.

a conversation with rachel last night and a comment from tiff herself has me wondering, is she back in the big d already? goodness, i'm bursting with questions and hope that-that means her visit will, perhaps, be sooner than the spring. although, i feel guilty suggesting, and begging, for my friends and family to come visit me now: for instance, while i love it, it has been raining for over a week straight here. the spring time is the money ticket, i know this. i want those dear to me who sacrifice the finances and time to come spend time with me to have the best trip of their lives; i want them to be able to see the great PNW in all it's splendor, i want them to see the coast, to go kayaking, to go hiking, to see the waterfalls, etc, and etc. however, a trip now would most likely constitute of going to the movies and going out to eat. things one does on a daily basis in dallas. of course, there is skiing.

i have cards to make and a million birthday gifts to buy. a rainy day awaits.

here are some pictures from our road trip to oregon:


jon waiting for his chili and coffee at the
tiger cafe in june lake, californa.


me in front of the sierra nevadas.


later that day in yosemite national park.


looking down on the world below.

saturplay

not only am i good today, but i'm also having a really good day. jon and i started our day with some necessary cleaning which allowed me to mentally relax and put away my eternal to do list; then we set out with only ideas--mine was to go to eugene for the day, but with a winter storm in affect all across the state , the possibility of getting stuck there over night out weighed the desire for live music and fine dining--almost noon, we decided brunch was a must and so settled for a short excursion to ashland, a, very, mini soho-esque town not but 15 minutes away; there in ashland we stumbled upon a small restaurant nestled off the main drive in between a theater and a boutique. a menu posted on the door persuaded us in and once in the ambiance and aesthetics had us confident this might be our new favorite joint. indeed, after a delicious avocado scambler, mexican mocha, and blackberry pancakes presented with style and delivering in taste, it was a sealed deal. the day was overcast, chilly, and crisp-the perfect weather for a walking around town with your hands planted in your jacket pockets. we ended up walking to an old movie theater and, with every senior citizen in town, decided on seeing "good night, and good luck". i thoroughly enjoyed the movie where as in jon fell asleep. the contradiction of the message of the film to the current state of journalism and the media was very perplexing to me. in the movie our main character is on a crusade for contradiction, for people to disagree with one another in a civilized and intelligent manner, that without not only opposition of different ideas and opinions but also the encouraging of different ideas and opinions and the struggle to ascertain the truth from the two, that we are all in trouble. i have always whole heartedly agreed with such a notion and have always found it suprising that when i, in the past, have voiced a different set of beliefs and stances, am often greeted hostile by those who are suppose to be open minded. yes, i'm talking right and left. i, being on the right, have no qualm whatsoever with those who disagree. in fact, i have friends who can back me up on that i've said many times before how grateful i am for the left; this is because that is how balance is maintained. trust me i would be scared shitless if our world was run without an advocate for revolution and new ideas, no matter what that revolution entailed or what those ideas were. history is my best defense. but that doesn't mean i'm without opinions or ideas of my own, it simply means i understand that contradiction is the key to achieving balance, and thus, the greater good. but getting back to my good day: after the movie, jon and i walked around a little bit more looking for a coffee shop. with a caramel and peanut covered apple in tote, jon decided he rather make a pot of coffee back at home. after a quick detour to a music store and wine cellar, here we are and jon is, once again, alseep.

the same nasty bug that had me and jon knee deep in kleenex and dayquil last month has me at it's mercy once again. sorry, but i'm no good today.

this is the view from the front yard. nice huh?!?

cooking with karma, literally

sure, in the tenth grade i decided i was going to be a housewife when i grew up. in that same year i debated, despite the fact that my best friend was and is a technical mexie, against illegal mexicans working and living in the US. i took extremes. the ones everyone else was too p.c to take. not because they were things i necessarily agreed with but because, back then, i enjoyed a good debate and the only way of that happening was to cross the line. here i am, ten years later, and karma is catching up. for instance, a few days ago i received two unsolicited cookbooks in the mail from two totally different people. true story. jon had a good laugh with it but the coincidence was too much for me to laugh off. now, i have no plans to give up the ghost of personal fulfillment and significance just because i received two cookbooks in the mail on the same day, but i might make a nice roast as i map out my degree plan in sociology.

;)

the birds and the cows

having lived 20 some odd years in dallas i naturally became acclimated to the ways of the city: chinese delivery in the middle of the night, offensive driving, avoiding making eye contact with strange men and the homeless, brunch as a religion, patios as shelters, shoes as accessories, weekly publications to guide you in going out, locking your car door even if your leaning on it pumping gas, and the constant array of night life sounds. so normally, having moved to the sparse populated region of south oregon, i'm going through quasi-culture shock. this became more than apparent this morning when i was outside in the pasture chatting with my landlord, marion, as he burned heaps of trash; the cows across the street had, and still are, mooing incessantly all night long and all morning long-they had not only prevented me from dozing off to sleep effortlessly but they had also woke me up a hour and a half before i naturally do. being hallows eve and being in a slightly backwards town i assumed some bored tricker treaters were out there harassing the bovine. but that hypothesis went flying out the window when i woke up. so there i was in the pasture with marion, an elderly retired minister, expressing my dismay with the cows gibber gabber when marion pointed out i really was from the city and that the cows were making all that fuss because they are getting it on. it's cow mating season round here, folks.