it's sunny again today. i'm wishing i could call michelle to see if she wanted to go on a walk with me this morning, instead i'll ask about the new apartment she got all by herself. sometimes the distance seems unbearable; i feel i'm missing so much and so much is missing her, back home doing the things we would do, the fullfilment and joy garnished from it. it kills me that i won't be there to help her move into her first place and that she isn't here to go with me to doc this coming friday to see and hear her niece or nephew. and at the same time, i remember what it was like to be so far away from jon- every thought was consumed with missing him and wanting him. how happy i was this summer when i had them both in arms length, and this past janurary when the three of us piled into jon's truck together, me in the middle, and made the long drive down to san diego.

sigh...

i just need a good cry this morning and a nutter butter.