turning twenty-five

i've let the past few weeks slip by without reminiscing despite that there have been moments and stories most worthy of documentation: gut wrenching spasms of gratefulness, of joy, of doing the drum roll on my father's shoulders as i stood above him on a bench with my heels kicked off, bouncing and singing about the sun with my mother next to me clapping and smiling right along; of laughing so hard and so unexpectedly that champagne shot out of my nose, of being with with people i love, people i adore, people that are usually so extraordinarily far away. and now, it's almost midnight. michelle and i are suppose to take a yoga class early in the morning. so once again, i must let this slip by to the cozy arms of goodnight.

i just got off the phone with tiffany. i tolled her i'd meet her for a drink. to a certain extent, i'm bored - but then again, i really haven't been bored in months - so in a weird way, i'm kinda enjoying doing nothing and using every excuse in the book to do just that. what i really could use is a friend who would be happy to come over and play scrabble, or bake some cookies; anything that complies with coin purse fiscality and staying in.

early tommorrow morning i have to drive out to camp wisdom to lifeguard for some boy scout function; which is why, minute by minute, i'm finding my cds and a fresh pot of coffee to be the company of desire.

*update: well, i did it. i called tiff back, tested how badly she wanted me to go out with her, then upon finding out she was totally cool with meeting after the Polyphonic show tommorrow night instead, affirmed my hope to bail.

and so now, i have no excuse not to clean seeing as how-i'm home to stay.

"Obviously you're a very enlightened pathetic CEO two faced Liar."

my first reaction to seeing, 'SUMNER SUPRISE: CBS BOSS ENDORSES BUSH!' over there at the drudge report was one of mixed, though, none the less, pleasant feelings-and perhaps i'm a little too skeptical; a little too harsh because, despite my initial pleasant disposition towards this breaking news headline, my inherent inclination was that, because of rather's jr.high journalism tactics that has put the limelight on CBS as an unreliable source of factual news, that Sumner, is hoping to pull the wool over the public's eyes in believing that the fake documents dan rather used in his attack against President Bush's time served in the texas air national guard was 'in-all-honesty(if-indeed-they-are-fake-because-that-is-something-we-still-aren't-willing-to-admit)' innocent mistake; and so even though in sumners own words he's a "liberal democrat", and that, as the wall street journal reports: "the Boston-born Mr. Sumner Redstone was co-chairman of Edmund Muskie's presidential campaign in 1972. He's also a close friend of the other Massachusetts senator, Ted Kennedy. Monday's New York Sun, quoting the Federal Election Commission, said that since 1998 Mr. Redstone had given $50,000 to the Democratic Party. He's also donated the maximum $2,000 to the Kerry campaign, after supporting Al Gore in 2000", so when fingers start pointing and suspisions start arising at whether or not dan rather's piece was politicizing the networks liberal agenda, sumner can non-chalantly claim that at an annual global CEO conference by forbes magazine, that he declared his endorsement for President Bush...so how in the world could his network be guilty of purposefully decieving the public?!?

but i'm no fool and i hope the rest of the american population isn't either.

the Statement: Progress

at a fire station in ohio, kerry tolled reporters "I think the prime minister is obviously contradicting his own statement of a few days ago when he said that terrorists are pouring into the country."

back up. prior to the us lead war in iraq, iraq was under the regime of sadaam hussein; and, under this regime 400,000 innocent iraqis were killed and buried in mass graves, another 30,000 died from chemical attacks, and according to the white house, "human rights watch estimates that saddam's 1987-1988 campaign of terror against the kurds killed at least 50,000 and possibly as many as 100,000 kurds". and folks, that's just the tip of the iceberg of what occured under the ruthless rule of saddam hussein. in fact, seeing as how kerry doesn't realize how, despite that terrorists are pouring into iraq in order to keep iraq from becoming a democratic and just society, the state in which iraq is Now is indeed frekkin Progress, i'll go ahead and add the rest of the horrific details of what iraq was like under saddam just so their isn't any confusion.

"For over 20 years, the greatest threat to Iraqis has been Saddam Hussein's regime -- he has killed, tortured, raped and terrorized the Iraqi people and his neighbors for over two decades.

When Iraq is free, past crimes against humanity and war crimes committed against Iraqis, will be accounted for, in a post-conflict Iraqi-led process. The United States, members of the coalition and international community will work with the Iraqi people to build a strong and credible judicial process to address these abuses.

Under Saddam's regime many hundreds of thousands of people have died as a result of his actions - the vast majority of them Muslims.

According to a 2001 Amnesty International report, "victims of torture in Iraq are subjected to a wide range of forms of torture, including the gouging out of eyes, severe beatings and electric shocks... some victims have died as a result and many have been left with permanent physical and psychological damage."

Saddam has had approximately 40 of his own relatives murdered.

Allegations of prostitution used to intimidate opponents of the regime, have been used by the regime to justify the barbaric beheading of women.

Documented chemical attacks by the regime, from 1983 to 1988, resulted in some 30,000 Iraqi and Iranian deaths.

Human Rights Watch estimates that Saddam's 1987-1988 campaign of terror against the Kurds killed at least 50,000 and possibly as many as 100,000 Kurds. o The Iraqi regime used chemical agents to include mustard gas and nerve agents in attacks against at least 40 Kurdish villages between 1987-1988. The largest was the attack on Halabja which resulted in approximately 5,000 deaths. o 2,000 Kurdish villages were destroyed during the campaign of terror.

Iraq's 13 million Shi'a Muslims, the majority of Iraq's population of approximately 22 million, face severe restrictions on their religious practice, including a ban on communal Friday prayer, and restriction on funeral processions.

According to Human Rights Watch, "senior Arab diplomats told the London-based Arabic daily newspaper al-Hayat in October [1991] that Iraqi leaders were privately acknowledging that 250,000 people were killed during the uprisings, with most of the casualties in the south." Refugees International reports that the "Oppressive government policies have led to the internal displacement of 900,000 Iraqis, primarily Kurds who have fled to the north to escape Saddam Hussein's Arabization campaigns (which involve forcing Kurds to renounce their Kurdish identity or lose their property) and Marsh Arabs, who fled the government's campaign to dry up the southern marshes for agricultural use. More than 200,000 Iraqis continue to live as refugees in Iran."

The U.S. Committee for Refugees, in 2002, estimated that nearly 100,000 Kurds, Assyrians and Turkomans had previously been expelled, by the regime, from the "central-government-controlled Kirkuk and surrounding districts in the oil-rich region bordering the Kurdish controlled north."

"Over the past five years, 400,000 Iraqi children under the age of five died of malnutrition and disease, preventively, but died because of the nature of the regime under which they are living." (Prime Minister Tony Blair, March 27, 2003) o Under the oil-for-food program, the international community sought to make available to the Iraqi people adequate supplies of food and medicine, but the regime blocked sufficient access for international workers to ensure proper distribution of these supplies. o Since the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom, coalition forces have discovered military warehouses filled with food supplies meant for the Iraqi people that had been diverted by Iraqi military forces.

The Iraqi regime has repeatedly refused visits by human rights monitors. From 1992 until 2002, Saddam prevented the UN Special Rapporteur from visiting Iraq.

The UN Special Rapporteur's September 2001, report criticized the regime for "the sheer number of executions," the number of "extrajudicial executions on political grounds," and "the absence of a due process of the law."

Executions: Saddam Hussein's regime has carried out frequent summary executions, including: o 4,000 prisoners at Abu Ghraib prison in 1984 o 3,000 prisoners at the Mahjar prison from 1993-1998 o 2,500 prisoners were executed between 1997-1999 in a "prison cleansing campaign" o 122 political prisoners were executed at Abu Ghraib prison in February/March 2000 o 23 political prisoners were executed at Abu Ghraib prison in October 2001 o At least 130 Iraqi women were beheaded between June 2000 and April 2001."

anyone with half a brain can easily see that calling the state of today's iraq is Progress from what it was prior to the old regime of saddam; and that is a fact whether the democratic party wants it to be our not. our Pres, and his friend, the interim prime minister Allawi, should feel proud to gloat on what our efforts and sacrifices have succeeded in accomplishing. any contradiction to it should be called what it is: a obviuos attempt of nasty negativity and blatant denial for the purpose of self/agenda-promotion. * see quote from john kerry.

my boiling point

"one thousand U.S casualities," the Kerry commercial intones."two americans beheaded just this week. the pentegon admits terrorists are pouring into Iraq. in the face of the Iraq quagmire, George Bush's answer is to run a juevnille and tasteless attack ad."

but hold on let's do something new and different libshitserals, let's really think about this before you get ahead of yourself; let's start at the most obvious, and that is your claim that Bush's answer to the growing epidemic of inhumanity and evil in the war on Iraq is a light hearted commercial against Kerry. well for your convience and desire to be spoon fed possible/maybe facts, here is a speech by the President at a press conference back in April 2004:

"This has been tough weeks in that country. Coalition forces have encountered serious violence in some areas of Iraq. Our military commanders report that this violence is being instigated by three groups: Some remnants of Saddam Hussein's regime, along with Islamic militants have attacked coalition forces in the city of Fallujah. Terrorists from other countries have infiltrated Iraq to incite and organize attacks. In the south of Iraq, coalition forces face riots and attacks that are being incited by a radical cleric named al-Sadr. He has assembled some of his supporters into an illegal militia, and publicly supported the terrorist groups, Hamas and Hezbollah. Al-Sadr's methods of violence and intimidation are widely repudiated by other Iraqi Shia. He's been indicted by Iraqi authorities for the murder of a prominent Shia cleric.

Although these instigations of violence come from different factions, they share common goals. They want to run us out of Iraq and destroy the democratic hopes of the Iraqi people. The violence we have seen is a power grab by these extreme and ruthless elements.

It's not a civil war; it's not a popular uprising. Most of Iraq is relatively stable. Most Iraqis, by far, reject violence and oppose dictatorship. In forums where Iraqis have met to discuss their political future, and in all the proceedings of the Iraqi Governing Council, Iraqis have expressed clear commitments. They want strong protections for individual rights; they want their independence; and they want their freedom.

America's commitment to freedom in Iraq is consistent with our ideals, and required by our interests. Iraq will either be a peaceful, democratic country, or it will again be a source of violence, a haven for terror, and a threat to America and to the world. By helping to secure a free Iraq, Americans serving in that country are protecting their fellow citizens. Our nation is grateful to them all, and to their families that face hardship and long separation.

This weekend, at a Fort Hood hospital, I presented a Purple Heart to some of our wounded; had the honor of thanking them on behalf of all Americans. Other men and women have paid an even greater cost. Our nation honors the memory of those who have been killed, and we pray that their families will find God's comfort in the midst of their grief. As I have said to those who have lost loved ones, we will finish the work of the fallen.

America's armed forces are performing brilliantly, with all the skill and honor we expect of them. We're constantly reviewing their needs. Troop strength, now and in the future, is determined by the situation on the ground. If additional forces are needed, I will send them. If additional resources are needed, we will provide them. The people of our country are united behind our men and women in uniform, and this government will do all that is necessary to assure the success of their historic mission.

One central commitment of that mission is the transfer of sovereignty back to the Iraqi people. We have set a deadline of June 30th. It is important that we meet that deadline. As a proud and independent people, Iraqis do not support an indefinite occupation -- and neither does America. We're not an imperial power, as nations such as Japan and Germany can attest. We are a liberating power, as nations in Europe and Asia can attest, as well. America's objective in Iraq is limited, and it is firm: We seek an independent, free and secure Iraq.

Were the coalition to step back from the June 30th pledge, many Iraqis would question our intentions and feel their hopes betrayed. And those in Iraq who trade in hatred and conspiracy theories would find a larger audience and gain a stronger hand. We will not step back from our pledge. On June 30th, Iraqi sovereignty will be placed in Iraqi hands.

Sovereignty involves more than a date and a ceremony. It requires Iraqis to assume responsibility for their own future. Iraqi authorities are now confronting the security challenge of the last several weeks. In Fallujah, coalition forces have suspended offensive operations, allowing members of the Iraqi Governing Council and local leaders to work on the restoration of central authority in that city. These leaders are communicating with the insurgents to ensure an orderly turnover of that city to Iraqi forces, so that the resumption of military action does not become necessary. They're also insisting that those who killed and mutilated four American contract workers be handed over for trial and punishment. In addition, members of the Governing Council are seeking to resolve the situation in the south. Al-Sadr must answer the charges against him and disband his illegal militia.

Our coalition is standing with responsible Iraqi leaders as they establish growing authority in their country. The transition to sovereignty requires that we demonstrate confidence in Iraqis, and we have that confidence. Many Iraqi leaders are showing great personal courage, and their example will bring out the same quality in others. The transition to sovereignty also requires an atmosphere of security, and our coalition is working to provide that security. We will continue taking the greatest care to prevent harm to innocent civilians; yet we will not permit the spread of chaos and violence. I have directed our military commanders to make every preparation to use decisive force, if necessary, to maintain order and to protect our troops.

The nation of Iraq is moving toward self-rule, and Iraqis and Americans will see evidence in the months to come. On June 30th, when the flag of free Iraq is raised, Iraqi officials will assume full responsibility for the ministries of government. On that day, the transitional administrative law, including a bill of rights that is unprecedented in the Arab world, will take full effect.

The United States, and all the nations of our coalition, will establish normal diplomatic relations with the Iraqi government. An American embassy will open, and an American ambassador will be posted.

According to the schedule already approved by the Governing Council, Iraq will hold elections for a national assembly no later than next January. That assembly will draft a new, permanent constitution which will be presented to the Iraqi people in a national referendum held in October of next year. Iraqis will then elect a permanent government by December 15, 2005 -- an event that will mark the completion of Iraq's transition from dictatorship to freedom.

Other nations and international institutions are stepping up to their responsibilities in building a free and secure Iraq. We're working closely with the United Nations envoy, Lakhdar Brahimi, and with Iraqis to determine the exact form of the government that will receive sovereignty on June 30th. The United Nations election assistance team, headed by Karina Parelli (phonetic), is in Iraq, developing plans for next January's election. NATO is providing support for the Polish-led multinational division in Iraq. And 17 of NATO's 26 members are contributing forces to maintain security.

Secretary of State Powell and Secretary of State Rumsfeld, and a number of NATO defense and foreign ministers are exploring a more formal role for NATO, such as turning the Polish-led division into a NATO operation, and giving NATO specific responsibilities for border control.

Iraqi's neighbors also have responsibilities to make their region more stable. So I am sending Deputy Secretary of State Armitage to the Middle East to discuss with these nations our common interest in a free and independent Iraq, and how they can help achieve this goal.

As we've made clear all along, our commitment to the success and security of Iraq will not end on June 30th. On July 1st, and beyond, our reconstruction assistance will continue, and our military commitment will continue. Having helped Iraqis establish a new government, coalition military forces will help Iraqis to protect their government from external aggression and internal subversion.

The success of free government in Iraq is vital for many reasons. A free Iraq is vital because 25 million Iraqis have as much right to live in freedom as we do. A free Iraq will stand as an example to reformers across the Middle East. A free Iraq will show that America is on the side of Muslims who wish to live in peace, as we have already shown in Kuwait and Kosovo, Bosnia and Afghanistan. A free Iraq will confirm to a watching world that America's word, once given, can be relied upon, even in the toughest times.

Above all, the defeat of violence and terror in Iraq is vital to the defeat of violence and terror elsewhere; and vital, therefore, to the safety of the American people. Now is the time, and Iraq is the place, in which the enemies of the civilized world are testing the will of the civilized world. We must not waver.

The violence we are seeing in Iraq is familiar. The terrorist who takes hostages, or plants a roadside bomb near Baghdad is serving the same ideology of murder that kills innocent people on trains in Madrid, and murders children on buses in Jerusalem, and blows up a nightclub in Bali, and cuts the throat of a young reporter for being a Jew.

We've seen the same ideology of murder in the killing of 241 Marines in Beirut, the first attack on the World Trade Center, in the destruction of two embassies in Africa, in the attack on the USS Cole, and in the merciless horror inflicted upon thousands of innocent men and women and children on September the 11th, 2001.

None of these acts is the work of a religion; all are the work of a fanatical, political ideology. The servants of this ideology seek tyranny in the Middle East and beyond. They seek to oppress and persecute women. They seek the death of Jews and Christians, and every Muslim who desires peace over theocratic terror. They seek to intimidate America into panic and retreat, and to set free nations against each other. And they seek weapons of mass destruction, to blackmail and murder on a massive scale.

Over the last several decades, we've seen that any concession or retreat on our part will only embolden this enemy and invite more bloodshed. And the enemy has seen, over the last 31 months, that we will no longer live in denial or seek to appease them. For the first time, the civilized world has provided a concerted response to the ideology of terror -- a series of powerful, effective blows.

The terrorists have lost the shelter of the Taliban and the training camps in Afghanistan. They've lost safe havens in Pakistan. They lost an ally in Baghdad. And Libya has turned its back on terror. They've lost many leaders in an unrelenting international manhunt. And perhaps most frightening to these men and their movement, the terrorists are seeing the advance of freedom and reform in the greater Middle East.

A desperate enemy is also a dangerous enemy, and our work may become more difficult before it is finished. No one can predict all the hazards that lie ahead, or the costs they will bring. Yet, in this conflict, there is no safe alternative to resolute action. The consequences of failure in Iraq would be unthinkable. Every friend of America and Iraq would be betrayed to prison and murder as a new tyranny arose. Every enemy of America and the world would celebrate, proclaiming our weakness and decadence, and using that victory to recruit a new generation of killers.

We will succeed in Iraq. We're carrying out a decision that has already been made and will not change: Iraq will be a free, independent country, and America and the Middle East will be safer because of it. Our coalition has the means and the will to prevail. We serve the cause of liberty, and that is, always and everywhere, a cause worth serving."

hardly his answer, don't you think?!? or are they aware that their spreading lies by what they implied in above mentioned statement?!? of course, the Bush campaign could have come up with a commercial depicting footage of one of the beheadings and then rolled the fickle stance, by means of voting record and speeches, about where Kerry stands on the war in Iraq; and then showing the families in agony over the loss of their loved one, come up with something like, "Kerry: he might care tomorrow, but the polls won't allow him to today". even if the Kerry campaign was composed of nothing but complete morons who think the only "answer" Bush has given on the war in Iraq is an allegorical commerical of the senetor sailing back and forth on his stance with the war, then it still doesn't give postive light to the fact that the Kerry campaign then followed with a commerical of only a rebuttle for the previous commercial. is that all they have in their arsenal? a rebuttle commercial to a commerical?

as for it being "tasteless", well, i guess that depends on your palate now doesn't it?!? i found it to be extremely delicious. as for it being "juvenille", sure. but after the protest at the republican national convention where democratic zealots threw stones and attacked police, i thought they wanted that can of worms opened. maybe they changed their minds. now, wouldn't that be a first.

and then there was new york city...

as i sat, fist to chin, in the baggage claim terminal of jfk airport waiting for erik and my luggage to arrive i noticed a group of guys a little bit different looking than everyone else. being incredibly intuitive, i knew the likelihood of them being a band was a sure vegas bet. and also being incredibly intelligent, i knew if my intuitive powers were indeed correct, that such an entourage of band boys taking to the air over the usual $100 van means of transportation for touring, could only mean one thing, that they had soled their souls to MTV, or as an addition, as the case was, for a minivan commercial as well. it was modest mouse. one of the guys shoot me a smile and a wink, and as he left, i with blushing cheeks, returned the innocent gesture. it was my first new york moment.

a sub-hop, erik, and luggage in tow later, i was discussing the nights plan while climbing flights of stairs in the brownwoods of brooklyn. little did i know, but up on the forth floor a cat with a respiratory problem that sounded like a terminally ill newborn awaited me. though the pressing issue that evening was not if the cat was in pain or not, but, despite the fact that at 3:55am you can get a drink in almost any bar in nyc, catching snow patrol at 11pm was a futile case.

we ended up making our way to a bar called o'conners where the beer was decently priced and a girl i didn't know from tim buktoo, whom over-heard me expressing desire for a 'two-beer-buzz-cig', offered me one of her '$7-a-pack-parliaments' and then, after telling her it was my first night in the big apple and so far i was amazed at how cordial new yorkers were, warned me about the fung sho demonstrators on every corner.

before calling it a night, erik and i walked across the roofs adjacent to his own temporary lodging, as far and as long as the roofs did allow.

the next day, erik went to work and i went to learn the subway and the city on my own. my first feat of accomplishment was making it to his work out by brooklyn bridge for lunch. secondly, to soho; and, about the time the rain started falling, i had drifted into chinatown. at first, i strolled with my jacket over my head, then necessity suggested i take refuge under a kiosk and inquire about where to buy an umbrella. and so, two dollars later, i had my first new york city purchase. not exactly couture or pretensious, but so very black.

to be continued...

week 1

too much time has drifted by, and now, i'm at a lost for words; for the right, the most deserving and nostaglic catch o' phrases to describe; to offer my amazement, the depth and extant of the wonderful time i had-the sights and the places that left me rubbing my eyes with my sleeve, left me gasping and in awe; wanting more, permanent, more. but oregon wasn't the only factor to such a disposition of happiness and splendor(yes, splendor), spending time with jon was a huge part of that equation. and he, everything about him was perfect. though the setting made it more than memorable instances like, snuggling my cold nose on his warm neck first thing in the morning, or seeing how eager he was, everyday, in making sure i was happy by driving me down to the coast or up in the mountains, by informing me of facts he knew i would find interesting, by making me promise to not unzip my sleeping bag at night, as so i wouldn't catch a cold, by the way he smiled, by the glitter in his eyes, by the comfort and joy i found in just being next to him, has him, in my mind and in my heart, as oregon's most beautiful and amazing main attraction.

september at a glance

9/8: call calvin and julia to wish them both a happy birthday, catch plane to oregon, make a scene at the airport when i see jon.

9/9-9/13: become one with nature.

9/14: catch plane to New York City, pray that Snow Patrol will still be playing by the time we get there.

9/15-9/18: visit the Modern, the Guggenheim, H&M, Time Square, Ellis Island, a morning shows window, and a hot dog stand.

9/18: steph to greet me at the airport with open arms and lots of kisses (i hope) then to los lupes, as tradition requires. work.

9/19:MY BIRTHDAY. brunch at terrillis with good friends, rock my brains out later in the evening at the Motorhead show.

9/20: be extremely lazy, procrastinate unpacking for at least a day.

9/21: be extremely productive, unpack, do laundry, clear a few drawers for michelle, buy her some pillows and an egg crate for my bed because i know she loves those, buy two tickets to the Spree concert for my parents, work.

9/22: enjoy having my tiny dancer in dallas, do whatever she wants, try to influence what she wants to do by smiling at things i like and frowning at things i don't. fingers crossed she'll want to take a picnic to the arboretum or do a yoga class together or give eachother facials or visit the nasher sculptor center or make a stop for fruits and veggies at the farmers market or sneak into the four seasons pool, work.

9/23: repeat, work.

9/24: go thrift store shopping with kate, work.

9/25: curl kate's hair, have kate curl my hair, put flowers in my and kate's hair, take off shoes, dance like a flower child at the Spree concert, try not to embarrass parents too much.

9/26: pick my sister up from the airport!!!!! kiss her, hug her, and make her happy she's in dallas for the time being.

and somewhere in between all that: blog.

i count to ten, bending over in attempt to touch my toes, i make it to thr..two. if i had a job where i sat a computer all day, i'd bite the bullet and take this back pain like a champ, but it's a weekend night, which means i'll be doing the hustle till 3am. so complain, i shall.

from: the libido and the moon
July 23,2003

To the beach I go. I went. And i'm still here.

"Tuesday morning I was asked twice of what my plans were for that day. This caught me by surprise, for not only did I have nothing to do but I had no time to think of anything to do...to tell them. "Humph", I thought. Then I asked back, "what are you up to today?", he replied with this and with that and it all sounded so very extrodinary. I slumped with envy and shame at my nothingness.

Where were my Jersey sisters with grand plans?!? Why were they still in Austin?!?

So I drove off, gave a honk at the boy without his shirt doing that lusty manuel labor thing and I began to ponder...and ponder...until depression fell over me as the reality of my twentysomething failures set into view. But pity party me not. This setting of falling setted me off and down i-35 I flew, doing the speed limit; neverless, I was motivated.

I looked forward and not at that pie in the sky of 10 years from now I all to often get stuck drooling after, but to October and Novemeber; December and Janurary. Something had to be done and after lunch and conversation at Taco Express with Heather and Scott I was taking care of business, a semester full of F's bizness. That felt goood, real goood. I can now go back to school when I want and where I want, just Uncle Sam is cutting me off the sugar tree until further notice or until I cut off my arms and legs, which is what I'd need to do to be able to pay them back by the date they want. No worries, i'm ok-your ok, right hippie man?!?

Back to the beach prelude:

There I was in Austin, getting spell bound by the trails and hills reminding me of the good ol' days: the hours spent walking and exploring, sitting and reading, thinking and wishing, but most importantly chilling with Purpose. Purpose or Security, everyone needs it, we all seek it in some way or another and some go the distance of making purpose their security or security their purpose. It's the big universal schtick, i think. Like dinner and a movie. Well, blah blah blah, I decided to drive another 3 hours south and visit my parents in Corpus seeing as how I could and why the hell not.

It's been lovely, my mother is the most perfect being ever, my father a hoot and the clear skies, crashing waves, soft sand in-between my toes-perfect.

I'm ready to take Dallas on again.

Big City, please give me something to do.

On a different note-I woke up this morning missing your dog.

"

there was a time when the idea of munching on a bowl of green olives disgusted me, but here i am sitting at the computer staring sadly into an almost empty container-just two olives remain. make that one. ok, now none. i once heard that your taste buds undergo a metamorphosis every seven years. whether such a fact is true or not, i have not the slightest clue; though, i will attest that foods and spices i once cringed at, now dazzle my taste buds. such as, pizza and white wine.

back when i first started drinking wine it was all about merlot. nowadays i find my taste buds disagreeing with past fondness. a fine dining critic told me that merlot is for those who know nothing of wine, which as snobby as it is, makes sense. the wine bar i work at has, apart from snobby patrons, an excellent pinot noir; though the carement chardonnay...mmmm so buttery, so light, such an "exquisite finish" as the critic lady would declare. this persona is new. it's fun. it allows me to close my eyes as i lay on my bed listening to Beethoven whilst i ponder celestial wonders. but it's a persona, only a persona like most ostensible perceptions about my personality are. what i see versus what others see versus what is.

what i really and truely love are lists: making them, reading them, using them, and any other such function that may be slipping my mind as to concerning them.

here is one for relevance sake:

last album bought: two way monologue-sondre lerche.
last book bought:'the lottery' by shirley jackson
last clothing purchase: marc jacobs skirt for only $30!!!
last thought thought: "how can i make millions of dollars?"
last meal please: pb&j on wheat with a cherry coke.
last person to make me laugh so hard i couldn't walk: kate mcnarry- typically referred as 'the creative power behind a documentary concerning the shockingly distrurbing existence of breatharians and their concomitant, the ©airarians.'

trust me, it's much more interesting than my "to-do" list.

check: write in blog.