Monday, June 14, 2004

float on

there are two ways to greet the inevitable and change: reluctantly or happily, the first ensures unneccesary turmoil and pain while the later offers perspective and growth. i've tried to live my life always excited about the different turns and forms it takes, and, the different people that come and then, that go.

i remember one day in grade school, kristy and i had got caught passing a note in class in which lied our secret feelings about one of our teachers. sure enough we were sent to the office, given swats, detention, and were warned that our parents would be called immediately about our lack of respect and honor for our authority figure. after we were let out of the office recess was taking place, so kristy and i huddled ourselves in the darkest corner of the playground to dicuss the unfairity of what had just happened. sure we were passing a note in class but nothing too horrible had been written to justify not only swats but detention, and a meeting with our parents in which we were sure to be grounded and given more swats at home. i decided i would never write another note about a teacher and so after a few minuets of discussing this i was ready to play again but kristy was black and blue with the inevitable punishment we were to recieve at 3 o'clock that afternoon. i pleaded with her to have fun till 3o'clock-to do the spider with me on the swing set-to not let something we couldn't control bother her but she couldn't and so i sat there next to her in silence until the bell finally rang.

i remember falling head over heals for a boy with a girlfriend; him hinting to me their soon to be end and our later to be beginning, then him running off and marrying her. at first i was sad then after some thought was given i was happy that even though i had thought and hoped to be the girl to run off with him to the alter, that in the end, the right one did.

i remember sitting outside of starbucks with era exchanging gifts just hours before her flight back to moscow-both of us unwilling to admit a goodbye was appropiate, tears filling my eyes knowing it might be years before we would see eachother again and still i wouldn't say goodbye or how sad i was that she was going because we both knew it was sad and sadder if we admitted to it. instead we spoke about how exciting it was going to be for her to live in downtown moscow and experience whatever it was god had planned for her.

i remember my sister telling me she might move to london and having to supress the possible sadness of not having my best friend, my snuggle bunny, my better half around with the happiness that she would be moving somewhere to do what she was meant to do.

i remember feeling the same way each time stephanie would pack up and move.

i remember the first time i meet jon and after the first night knowing that he was meant to be in my life in some way or the other.

in years to come i'll look back and remember how excited and unaffected i tried to be when he moved because i'll remember that i knew he would be happier up there, that he was going somewhere he wanted to be, and life went the way it was planned.

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