as timing would have it, conrad discovered his ability in crawling and sitting up in his crib on the same day that cold bug- that had me in it's death grip- gripped conrad as well. which made for the longest attempt at getting him down for his nap, a whole hour devouted to nothing but convincing conrad sleeping when your eyes are blood shot red and your habitually yawning and your sick is way more interesting than realizing you can pull yourself up on the crib railing and throw your pacifer to the ground. and last night was no better, according to jon ( i was at work). jon said it took him a miserbale hour and half before conrad finally passed out, and not in his crib but in jon's defeated arms out in living room watching Planet Earth; and if that was where this story ended i would still postulate us to be lucky and fortunate. however, and unpleasantly, the amalgamation of a sick infant, and a sick infant who went to bed in a state of displeasure and stress, resulted in me being up every single hour last night to either rock him back to sleep or feed him back to sleep or simply put back in his pacifer. i can only say, thank God our bugs didn't doing any amaglamating and that at least i have the "energy" and dry nose to do it.

after fifteen minutes of lying in bed listening to conrad do his "i'm not tired, really i'm not. squeal-yawn-yawn." routine, followed by lou dog barking away like a ravenous beast at probably a leaf blowing in the wind, i guess a much needed nap will have to wait. two nights ago i went to bed with an annoying runny nose and now this morning i am not only still dealing with that same runny nose but also nostrils that feel like they were dipped in tabasco and eyes that feel like sand is in them and overall like the inside of a fat man's ass. the last time i was sick jon stayed home and took care of conrad while i layed on the couch wallowing; it took a day, a day of sheer wallow, but then, that next day, i was back to my cleaning, cooking, productivity obsessed self again. which, being sick, isn't desirable by any means, but the best considering my situation; this time, however, i not only have to work later in the day but this cold bug is giving me every indication she ain't going down without a fight. and all this because the other day i was at the pharmacy picking up an asthma inhaler and somehow i got into a conversation with the pharmacist on how conrad and i have only gotten sick once since he was born versus the 6-12 times my pediatrician said was normal for mothers and infants( not in day care) to get sick by the time the child is 1 years old. knock on wood the jinx only applies to me; it's virtually impossible to keep conrad sanitized from me, especially considering he has thing about putting his fingers in my mouth when he nurses, and that just this morning i caught him with one of snot drenched klennexes in his mouth. delicious, i'm sure. and now i'm waiting for doctor to call me back and tell me what if anything i can take; one of the few downfalls of breastfeeding.

there in the picture on your left, behind that adorable baby, is a patch of dead grass. see it. yes there i have grand plans for a grand garden. a garden bearing lettuce and carrots and tomato's and cilantro and basil, maybe some magical love beans too. a few weeks back i "picked up" another mom at the grocery store; we exchanged numbers in the spirit of calling each other up the next nice day to go walking together. although, playing it cool i waited a good week to call her and then last friday we finally hooked up and took the kiddos for a walk downtown and had coffee and checked out some thrift stores (great story involving conrad and her little girl, zion, i must blog about.) and planned to get a garden co-op going. i can't tell you just how excited i am at not only making a cool friend but a friend who shares my love for gardening and that quasi-hippy way of life. quasi-as i did not pay the extra $2.00 per bag for organic dirt, likewise with the seeds (really, isn't planting it yourself in your own yard ORGANIC?!?). not to mention, but she is a mom; a mom with a little girl two days older than conrad; a first time mom; a mom kinda like me. it's a match made in food 4 less, a salad in a month.

last tuesday night i started back to work; a very last of the minute sort of thing, and i wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally or milkfully. jon sat on the bed as i flipped through the undesirable collection of clothes hanging in my closet- chatting about when i would be home and what to do if he ran out of milk and conrad was loosing his shit- and all the meanwhile my heart was doing this slow break, because i knew, for the first time in almost 8 months, i wouldn't be there to give conrad his bath or read him his stories or snuggle on the bed with him before putting down in his crib and that thought was heart wrenching to me, really, really heart wrenching. and all at once it hit me and i burst into tears because i didn't think i could do it, physically, totally, inable. like the good, level headed man jon is he talked down from the ledge and gave me that boost of support and perspective to get me out the door and into my car; and there in my car i believed all he said, knowing it was short term and by next week i would only be missing two bed times instead of the four already assigned. plus, it was true, i needed to get out and mingle and make lots and lots of money. a week later, i'm glad i did. alex's (my new place of employment) seems like a great fit. i like the people i work with and they seem to like me. unlike alot of southern oregonians they seem to be more accustomed to banter and wit and sarcasms, which is my cup of tea. there is nothing more intolerable than working with a bunch of people who take themselves too seriously, except for working with a bunch of people who have chronic gas and talk to close for comfort. true story.

We finally had a break from the overcast, dreary, dismal weather this past week; cloudless skies and the sort of temperature that makes you want to roll up your long sleeves and walk barefoot through the soft cool grass. It was wonderful in every way being cooped up for X amount of months and finally being able to drag a blanket out in the front yard to lay upon could be. Conrad and I seized every possible opportunity to bask in it's greatness and it was in those moments watching him shrill with excitement as I pushed him in the infant swing at the park and doing fly baby out in the front yard where I had to slap myself at, not only my good fortune to be able to enjoy the fine weather, but to enjoy it with Conrad. Everyday is my favorite day, and it's because I get to wake up to this little thing smiling from ear to ear as he flaps uncontrollably from the excitement at seeing me. I can, with conviction, say, you haven't lived till you've had a child.