Saturday, August 02, 2008

Should Be Sleeping, dear diary.

apart from the monster looking thing that use to be my vagina, the worst part of this pregnancy has been the past month of having a hard time falling asleep at night because of the aching in my legs. it's so bizarre, and i'm at a lost at how to cope with it. typically i just toss and toss and toss till i pass out. which often takes till 1am.

come october i'm scheduled to have my tubes tied. this pregnancy has been affirmation to my desire to only have two children. not that it's been terribly hard, not by any means, it's more or less the facing reality i don't think my lower torso can physically take the weight of another baby.

i'm a week away from my due date and terribly anxious for truman to get here already. coming this far and still no baby i'm beginning to wonder if truman, like conrad, is going to take his time and have to be induced. that would be two weeks from now, and that is too far away. not to mention, from what i've gathered in my chatting with other moms, induced labors are way harder than going into labor naturally. which totally makes sense, it's much harder to shake an apple out of a tree when it's not ready to fall than when it is. great allegory, i know. so needless to put, i'm really really hoping i can try the loose apple technique this time around.

the great thing about this pregnancy is that i'm very confident in it, being truman, is going to be the perfect addition to this family. there is part of me that laments in knowing my time is going to be divided and i won't be able to relish conrad every second he wants me to, but it is swiftly outweighed knowing conrad is going to get more out of having a brother than having a mother who wants nothing more than to dot over him every second of every day. and knowing i'm not only going to have another life to love and cherish past the moon, but that in doing so i'm doing the most loving thing for my first born, is really the icing on the cake.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

It's sort of like us getting another cat. I was first sad because Bowie has been totally neglected but now I really see that he loves having another kitty to play with. Not that having kids is anything like having cats, but it's all I can do to relate. Forgive me.