it's midnight, past midnight, and i'm awake. tired. wishing to be asleep, but instead, awake.

those sore legs of mine are REALLY sore and hurting tonight; hurting and aching so much that even laying there in bed while rubbing burts bee muscle healer on them is still too uncomfortable. i want to shake jon out of sleep, before sleep out of his "i'm tired" blah blah guess whose not having a baby in a few days mode, and make him rub my legs. not carelessly stroke them like he did while we sat on the couch right before he fell asleep, but rub them damnit; put some actual exertion into it, because otherwise, the effortlessness only fuels my moodiness and tempts me to tickle his nose with a feather after just having put shaving cream in his hand.

since it's after midnight, guess what? i'm due in two days. i shouldn't be counting down but i am. every time i get annoyed that i'm still pregnant i have to remind myself, refresh my perspective levels, that it's because God has a special timing for this, for special God-knowing reasons. oh me! those God-knowing reasons.

on the flip side, i really am grateful that i'm being able to spend some quality time with conrad before truman gets here. today, after a morning spent tickling one another and playing with his toys, we went to the spray park in jacksonville. it was as perfect as perfect gets, and by "it" i mean, conrad. i've said it here before but i'll say it again, i love being with my child. i love who he is and who he is becoming. he makes me laugh and smile constantly, and i can't think of too many other people i would rather spend time with over. scratch that, i can think of no one i would rather spend time with over. conrad is the tops.