there is this constant sensation, the feeling of anxiety mixed with nausea. last week i was finally able to stay awake during conrad's nap and begin on my ever growing to-do list. one of those was "find out about health insurance during pregnancy", which is kinda like saying, "drink from a straw while standing on your head".
after much web searching, i finally was finally able to ascertain the reality that we. were. screwed. for those who have been in the same predicament you know HIPPA is a big joke. a real knee slapper.
when i first began the task i wasn't all that worried, after all, i wasn't insured when we found out i was pregnant with conrad. i had even gone to my first OB appointment without insurance; but unlike that time, this round jon's company has so benevolently taken away his health insurance, despite that being a huge factor in our decision to stay here instead of moving to salem. so while previously we had merely added me onto jon's company's group plan-something actually covered by HIPPA-this time around we were left to attain a private health care plan that accepts a previous condition.
fortunate to share we did find OMIP (oregon medical insurance pool) which has to provide-albeit for $276 a month-health insurance for those considered high risk and/or with a previous condition who make too much-please add a hahahaha-to be eligible for OHP or any other of those your real poor or a mexican so here is everything for free abbreviated plans. the stickler is we'll have to wait a 6 month waiting period in which we'll have to pay full price for all the prenatal care. in other words, if you know of anyone looking for a kidney or a liver i might know were you get one for a good price. meth too.
i've also been laid off/taken off the schedule. i think it has to do with the fact i'm pregnant and can't work the entirety of my shift because half of it is after the kitchen closes when everyone starts to smoke, but that is neither here or there. the thing is we rely on my income and now i have none, plus i'm pregnant and that is a hard sell to a future employer.
all that to say, i'm stressed. i'm in my first trimester and sick too.for a few weeks now i've been experiencing abdominal pain, similar to cramps, coupled with slight spotting. i'm sure it's nothing, though it's not helping with my stress levels.
please feel free to add an encouraging word and/or mail large donations to:
P.O. Box 18534
Corpus Christi, TX
78480

with no food in the fridge, little money to be spent, no shifts to work on the weekend, stir crazy from the winter sentence of being home bound, jon and i decided we would take advantage of our cirumstances and make the three and a half drive up to salem to see and stay with his parents.


we were greeted with hot from the oven chicken pot pie and a toasty fire place to sit in front of while conrad banged on the same piano jon as a little boy once took a wooden spoon to and made rice out of the keys with-later on in life he would redeem himself in his mothers eyes by learning how to play saffagiato on it. a reasonable deal i think.


here are some pictures from our weekend.

i promise to do this only hardly ever.
perhaps it is my age, almost 30, becoming acutely aware of the world around me and how, no matter how much i wish it wouldn't, it affects me, or being a mother, and in doing so, being the inspector of everything Conrad might touch, smell, taste, hold, see, and do, of wanting to safeguard him against anything that might not coincide with his adorableness, that might cause him harm, object to his happy future, or maybe my world is just becoming small, and i have nothing better to focus on than this upcoming election. whatever the case may be, i am.
last night Conrad and i, after returning from target where we purchased every possible toddler necessity, turned on the television as we settled down to play with his mountain of toys. we hadn't watched anything since that morning, and in the morning, all i watch is the news. CNN was televising the n.h. primary, and Hillary Clinton was in the lead by just a few points.
of course, polling in, she won by 2%.
and here lies my disgust.
really?!? Hillary Clinton?!? that's who 39% of New Hampshire democrats think is the best candidate for running our great country of America...Hillary Clinton?!? i'm shocked and horrified people. i'll even repeat it, shocked and horrified!
if the democrats were smart, they'd put all their support and energy into Barack Obama. even me, a born and raised republican, wouldn't mind voting for him. in fact, if comes down to Obama and Romney i'll be more than happy to switch sides. really there aren't that many republican candidates i would vote for over Obama. Ron Paul, sure. maybe McCain. but for many undecided republicans and independents, the idea of that women in the oval office will bring the forces together for any other candidate. there is nothing about Hillary Clinton i find real, or admirable. nothing. she is a politician through and through. just the fact that she switched masks when she lost Iowa is proof. and for that matter all the other democratic candidates who decided to piggy back's Obama's message of change when they found out in the exit polls it was important. and as for experience? hasn't she been in the senate the same amount of time as Obama? is her experience in being the wife to a better than she politician? i've never understood that argument.
and barf me a new lung if i hear one more political analyst call her the "comeback kid" or refer to her n.h win as BIG. the win was meager: two points over someone two months ago was written off by all the pollsters and pundits. and comeback nothing? to comeback you had to have been a winner at some point. she placed third in Iowa, not second, not first. there is no coming back if you were never there.