we knew the day would come, the day when the extra money in our bank account would be consumed by trips to ikea, the dentist, the optometrist, h&m, tj maxx, and chic-fil-a. on this day we knew, i would have to find a job and i would find it fast or we would be up a creek without a paddle.
that day happened a few weeks ago.
the last few times i've gone to find a job i've found one fairly easily, and in the end, persuaded myself out of accepting the offers given to me. this time around i knew i didn't have such false luxury; i was going to have take what i was given. the thing i was not expecting was that it would take me plastering the surrounding area with my resume, having great interviews with no call back, or applying to places i felt myself above only to receive emails notifying me they went with a "better match".
it was after yet another rejection email to a restaurant...in the mall! that i had my rock bottom moment. the saving grace for my hope was knowing God sent us here, knowing He doesn't lead you and then leave you; still, the rejection was beating down on my confidence and optimism. i don't necessarily want to wait tables. before every place i walked into with a resume in my hand, before every hand i shook with my warmest smile, before every great interview, i pep talked myself into it, "your doing this for your family" i would tell myself, "your doing this so we can have health insurance, so we can tithe, so we don't have to move". of course, i would rather begin to tally some experience in a career that will take me where i feel lead to serve, but then, just as my husband pointed out and God reminded me, waiting tables is that very job right now. it's not at a design firm, or a magazine, or a music label, or a church that shares the same super cool vision for communicating and sharing the love of God in real practical and relevant ways...it's in a restaurant waiting on people wanting a great dining experience.
as i mentioned above, the need for me to work involves a desire for us to tithe. we weren't always able to do so at our church in southern oregon, and it killed me. jon and me fought about it till we were both backed and ready to swing in our corners till my father counseled me on how serving in the church was acceptable "payment" while we were piss ass broke. never less, i yearned to worship God with everything i/collective we had, and would do so when i knew doing so wasn't going to result in us bouncing ten other checks.
after it appeared that jon too had settled on reality la being our new home church that i began to itch to tithe. but, just like in southern oregon, it, along with a few other necessities, wasn't there. on sunday morning as they announced the ushers to come forward to take the mornings tithe and offerings, i made a great leap of faith decision: we were going to tithe and God was going to cover it. end of story. and we did, and while part of me wondered if i could call the church office on monday morning and ask them to hold it for a few months, the other part of me was filled with peace and joy in that act of trust and worship.
the sermon that morning only confirmed my suspicions that God was going to come through; that because He had brought us here to this land where only those with dual incomes survive that I only needed to pray for His favor, and to keep trying to find a job. i would, i surely would. well, at least, that's what I took away from it.
then a couple days ago i had another interview. i prayed on my way out there (in topanga!) that if this was the place God would use me to serve my family and be able to worship Him in all areas of my life that i would have favor and that the position would be mine. i felt like the opportunity was Gods provision for us, but then, the interview was one of my worst yet. i apologized to jon when i got home for him having taken off time from work for me to go down there. it seemed like a total waste.
then yesterday as i was on my way out the door when i heard the message: they loved me...i got the job.
where He leads He will provide (make no mistake about it).