i must be putting it out there, misrepresenting-because i keep hearing it, and it's not true, and truth be told, i want to be here. i left texas for more than a reason.
i miss it, sure.
pre-oregon: i wasn't one of those people who had this vision of their life's every detail planned out and thought through, especially the part about marriage and children. well, i guess i did but then something i'm intent on keeping vague happened and i was forced to hit the reset button, i just failed to hit the revise visually button. somewhere in that vacant void of a head of mine i figured it all would be exactly as i wanted it to be because i wanted exactly and whatever God wanted it to be. however, c.s. lewis wasn't kidding when he said, " We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." that last part is the post-oregon lesson.
i just always assumed that one day when i had a family, my family would be a part of it. of course, as mentioned, i wanted to move from texas. i moved, in part for a guy i was pretty sure i was going to want to spend the rest of my life with. and yet, i never put the one and one together. it never dawned on me that moving all the way to oregon, far from my family, to most likely start a new life with another person would mean my family would be...wait for it...far from it. that is the reality, but in this reality God is directing, and i like it best when He does the directing.
regrettably, when my kids have been sick for two weeks, it's incessantly dreary, jon is at work all day then three nights of the week playing music and fit in between all that his schooling, i crave and long for home. for texas. for family. for help. for days when my biggest stress was an unruly table of SMU douche bags. for margaritas on a warm patio with my friends.
i get it though. i get that-that longing and craving are a huge distraction from what the reality is all about, and that reality is loving God the way He deserves and loving others the way God does no matter what and no matter where i am.
let the record state:
missie misses her family and friends and bbq and tex-mex and live music and good times had in texas.
missie wants whatever God wants, and that seems to be oregon.
missie likes oregon.