Wednesday, August 23, 2006

oh conrad, everyday i wake up and think i couldn't possibly love you anymore than i do but then i look at you, and your cuter than i remembered and in that moment of realizing your mine and i'm yours my heart takes a plunge, going deeper to somewhere i've never chartered before.

i am sooooooo floored that i get to be your Mommy.

i can't believe you turn 5 weeks tonight. it seems like yesterday we brought you home, yesterday when we were bewildered on just exactly how to put you in your car seat, yesterday when you felt so fragile in my arms, yesterday when you couldn't quite lift your head, yesterday when the only smiles you gave were for gas.

a few days ago you gave me your first "social" smile. we were in the kitchen, i was holding you talking about what i should eat for breakfast , you were staring so intently into my eyes and then It happened: that beautiful smile came over your face, your eyes light up, and you grinned with even more excitement as i returned the gesture. i thought i had died and gone to heaven.

your uncle jeremy was back in town this past weekend. your really into his guitar and absolutely get giddy when he serenades you. on saturday morning i left you with him and your daddy so i could do the laundry and do some garage sale-ing. while i was out the two of them put on a show for you and i was told about you couldn't stop smiling. to which, i wasn't surprised. your quite the musical baby. music is one of our best weapons to combat your fussiness. you take naps to the sounds of sigur ros and kings of convience, are pacified when i sing you lullabys, and mystified into total attentiveness when your daddy plays you the bass. i have no dount in my mind that one day, in some form or fashion, you will be a little musician yourself.

on sunday it seemed you were bored so i went to Target and bought you a Baby Einstien play mat. now i wish i had bought a video camera to go with it to capture how vigorously you kick your legs and flare your arms at the excitement it offers you. and oh my dear god, when you actually grabbed one of the swinging toys dangeling down...well that seemed to be the ultimate rush for you.

you've also begun demonstrating your opinions in an individualistic vociferously manner. ecspecially when it comes to eating, more or less when being taken away from the boobie before you decide that your done. the noises that come from your sweet little self are too good to be true. the first time it happened i had to look around the room for another source of such...err, such...uniqueness. and somethings just bother you. like the other day when i was washing the dishes and you were in your bouncer right behind me, i was talking to you and you were smiling and then all of a sudden a soapy plate slipped through my fingers and at the end of it's descent into the sink it made a loud CLANG noise to which you lost your shit over. it took nearly 30 minutes to quell your spirit back into serenity; you were so distraught and i felt like a complete ass for soaping that plate too much.

i'm trying my hardest at being the perfect mommy for you. i really, really am. i'm taking notes on what you like and what you don't like, how you want to loved and interacted with, and what all i can give you for now and the future.


Jon and Des V. said...

Aww! I can't wait to be a mommy!

Michelle said...

On the other hand, I can happily wait to be a Mommy. But, that did make me cry!!