one year ago today...i was at the Four Seasons getting a massage. i remember laying there on that soft bed of linens in that lightly dimmed room with the smell of aromatic candles and oils sifting through the air while the masseuse applied the perfect amount of pressure to my back, thinking how bizzare life was, because in that same moment that life was treating me more than Fair i was well aware life was being nothing but Unfair to the residences of New Orleans.

and still to this day when i experience a moment where i know i'm blessed beyond belief my mind soon drifts to how in that same moment someone might have found out there husband was cheating on them or perhaps life became too much for someone to want to live anymore and i could go on and on and on of all the horrible curve balls life Does throw and i'm immediately humbled and overcome with a sense of obligation to be a better person, to, even though i know it has nothing to do with deserving it or not deserving it, to somehow in someway merit the goodwill come my way.

to, if nothing else, thank the good Lord above and pray for those who need a day at the Four Seasons Spa.

how we roll at 8am.

oh conrad, everyday i wake up and think i couldn't possibly love you anymore than i do but then i look at you, and your cuter than i remembered and in that moment of realizing your mine and i'm yours my heart takes a plunge, going deeper to somewhere i've never chartered before.

i am sooooooo floored that i get to be your Mommy.

i can't believe you turn 5 weeks tonight. it seems like yesterday we brought you home, yesterday when we were bewildered on just exactly how to put you in your car seat, yesterday when you felt so fragile in my arms, yesterday when you couldn't quite lift your head, yesterday when the only smiles you gave were for gas.

a few days ago you gave me your first "social" smile. we were in the kitchen, i was holding you talking about what i should eat for breakfast , you were staring so intently into my eyes and then It happened: that beautiful smile came over your face, your eyes light up, and you grinned with even more excitement as i returned the gesture. i thought i had died and gone to heaven.

your uncle jeremy was back in town this past weekend. your really into his guitar and absolutely get giddy when he serenades you. on saturday morning i left you with him and your daddy so i could do the laundry and do some garage sale-ing. while i was out the two of them put on a show for you and i was told about you couldn't stop smiling. to which, i wasn't surprised. your quite the musical baby. music is one of our best weapons to combat your fussiness. you take naps to the sounds of sigur ros and kings of convience, are pacified when i sing you lullabys, and mystified into total attentiveness when your daddy plays you the bass. i have no dount in my mind that one day, in some form or fashion, you will be a little musician yourself.

on sunday it seemed you were bored so i went to Target and bought you a Baby Einstien play mat. now i wish i had bought a video camera to go with it to capture how vigorously you kick your legs and flare your arms at the excitement it offers you. and oh my dear god, when you actually grabbed one of the swinging toys dangeling down...well that seemed to be the ultimate rush for you.

you've also begun demonstrating your opinions in an individualistic vociferously manner. ecspecially when it comes to eating, more or less when being taken away from the boobie before you decide that your done. the noises that come from your sweet little self are too good to be true. the first time it happened i had to look around the room for another source of such...err, such...uniqueness. and somethings just bother you. like the other day when i was washing the dishes and you were in your bouncer right behind me, i was talking to you and you were smiling and then all of a sudden a soapy plate slipped through my fingers and at the end of it's descent into the sink it made a loud CLANG noise to which you lost your shit over. it took nearly 30 minutes to quell your spirit back into serenity; you were so distraught and i felt like a complete ass for soaping that plate too much.

i'm trying my hardest at being the perfect mommy for you. i really, really am. i'm taking notes on what you like and what you don't like, how you want to loved and interacted with, and what all i can give you for now and the future.

yesterday morning conrad and i took advantage of the cool, overcast weather and our spiffy dual car seat stroller. we set out on a walk, our first walk. we headed downtown, to the post office, to the coffee shop; discovered a tasty treat at Mellalos called Nut Coffee, and spilled some on the car seat on the walk back home. shit for shocks. overall, the whole ordeal yesterday went so well that this morning i decided we should make the 15 min drive out to ashland and walk the trail at lithia park, lay down a blanket under a tree, read some books, take a nap.

i couldn't figure out how to fold the car seat into it's portable feature so back to downtown we went. we repeated the previous morning with a few improvisations: i got my short Nut Coffee in a tall glass to eliminate spillage, we headed down Fir instead of Grape St, and we stumbled upon a baby boutique where i found my million dollar already spoken for. i guess i'm not the only mom who's realized after being peepeed on for the fiftieth time that something needed to be invented. on our walk back home, a homeless guy tried to say Hi. (note the tried because i pretended not to understand english. very difficult when done in silence.). unfortunately, he was heading the same direction as us. every few minuetes he would stop and glance back and i would grab my cell phone or make hand gang signs at him. the whole exchange dissolved when a stampede of firetrucks and cop cars whizzed past us, stopping in front of our house. immediately i begun to go down the list of appliances that might have been left on that could have started a fire: straightening iron...Off, and that's pretty much all i could think of. so then i began crafting possible scenerios, like where a homeless person {we live near a mission and drug house} jumped over our fence only to be mauled to death by Lou, or two spunned hobos got in a needle/aluminim can fight in our front yard. as i approached the house i noticed the drama wouldn't involve me afterall but my neighbors curtis and stevie. i hope everythings ok. i hope the hobos weren't bothering them.

once home i was soon enlightended that conrad had filled his diaper to the max. yellow poop juice had leaked from the trusty leak-proof wings onto his outfit. typically, i would say having to start the endless outfit changing at 11 o'clock in the morning sucks but this time around i wasn't bummed. see all morning strangers kept asking if he was a boy or a girl (i speculate this was because his outfit had a pink giraffe on it) so i was glad to have an excuse to get him into something indisputably boyish. he's grown like a weed in the past 4weeks, 2 lbs heavier and 4 inches longer to be exact. so i felt confident in him fitting into his orange tiger outfit. which he is rocking loud and snug.

greatness.

Conrad Emery Eggert
July 20th, 2006
7.9 oz. 19 in.

happy 3 weeks dear baby of mine. last night at 2:20am to be exact. i would have woke you but we had just been up a hour before. you had a quick snackie on my titty and then dropped a load before dozing back off again. while i was feeding you i saw something big and black crawl across the floor into the living room. i didn't tell you then, as you looked so content and happy but it really scared the crap out of mommy and still this morning i can't help but do a little freak out at every dark thing i see. but you my dear are doing awesome. at two weeks you had already gained over a whole pound! the doc orginally told us our goal was to have you back at birth weight at two weeks so we are all astounded at how well your eating and growing. you have quite a bit of trouble with digesting your grub it seems; this morning you woke yourself little past six am because of the toil in trying to pass gas. you make funny faces and grunt when your going number two, which cracks daddy and mommy up to smitherrens. one night back when you were only a week your daddy, gramma, and i were all changing your diaper (Team Conrad, we called ourselves); you were still pooping out that crap they call melaconium; we had your diaper off and were cleaning your bum when you decided to go again and again and again and again, grimacing all the while. gramma was on the floor laughing herself to tears, daddy was gasping in shock, and mommy was doing her best to hold your legs up out of the heap of crap while laughing uncontrollably. your bowel movements have become entertainment around here. though i'm a little concerned you might be lactose intolerant, and i hate seeing you in such discomfort. otherwise, your a perfectly healthy and happy baby. you love the sensory bouncer godmommy rachel got you. anytime i need to be hands free all i have to do is set you in it and your good as gold. ecspecially if Mr. Bee is in sight. developmentally your two months ahead of schedule. which brings me back to Mr. Bee who you try to grab and make cooing noises at. all things newborns are suppose to be incapable of.



you love to be read to. your favorite book is Polar Bear, Polar Bear What Do You Hear; you also like Old Bear, Max The Minnow, The Teddy Bear ABC, and Good Dog Carl( Lou). when we read to you, you look at the pictures following the story with your eyes. it's amazing how smart you are. you also love it when daddy plugs in the bass and plays with you laying right next to him. you've even played a cord already. you and your daddy have an incredibly bond: when your fussy all it takes is for your daddy to pick you up and lay you in his lap. you had your first bath this week and you did great. no crying, no nothing. just happy as a clam. anytime i need to wash you (like when you pee on yourself) ,you don't seem to mind at all. i have a feeling your going to be a waterbaby, which has me stoked. i can't wait to teach you how to swim and how to dive!!!! maybe when your old enough we could get a two man kayak and spend all our weekends out on the river. your daddy is equally excited at the thought of taking you fishing but we are both LOVING having you the size and age you are at this very moment. you couldn't be anymore precious than you are. really son, your perfect.