the sensation, the indescribable elation at seeing my unborn child for the first time, having a pocketful of pictures as a memory token, and a kinkos down the street from work from which i've been planning, at times, attempting, to utilize thier facility to scan these unbelievable images of my son onto a cd in hope to share with you and my ever loosing patience family the miracle of life in my tummy had left me waiting till the day i actually got them on here to blog. the Day, that Day, seems to be somewhere over the rainbow together with my wedding pictures running before me, egging me on with a carrot tied to a string, so till then i'll tarry on, i'll try to put in words how humbling and joyous and mind blowing it is to watch on an inexcusably small monitor that appears to be connected to heaven this tiny object grab it's tiny legs, then, like looking at one of those pictures in the mall, with the assisted visual coaching of a trained technican, making out the head, the heart, the chest cavity, counting two arms, two legs, and one "definitive" male organ in between; except at the mall the pictures are typically of ufo's in the celestial nightsky or unicorns prancing through fields of daisies and butterflies. but yah, i'll try: !!!!! .
the best advise anyone gave me as to what the sex would be was from kristy, because truely, i thought it was going to be a girl; so hence, therefore, as kristy warned/advised me, it must be a boy. i really didn't care before if it was a boy or a girl, but now that i know i'm indisputably having a dude, i would be heartbroken if he was a she. my mind and imagination are teeming with the days that will spent fishing in creeks, going to little league games, taking kuddie shots, running around the apartment like race car drivers, and disinfecting around the toliet bowl. i know little boys can be hell raisers, will be hell raisers, but in my opinion God hit the mark with giving me a little dude. jon seems to be stoked with the sonogram outcome as well, almost as if his manlihood was increased by procreating a x and y chromosone. we are still batting back and forth name ideas, conrad topping the charts; neverless, indecisiveness and jr. high memories of the kids who got teased plagues any real finality.
as for the the exterior of our little boys temporary lodging, i'm beginning to look like i am, ostensibly, more than just bloated or a beer gut bartender chic. the shape of pregnancy has transformed my akwardly bulbeous abdomen into a shapely defined, rather large and growing as i write, pug. finding maternity clothes that fit have proven to be a pestilent situation; i have thankfully retained my small physique, give or take an extra five pounds in the ass, and as such size small isn't small enough and so i'm faced with the plight of buying clothes online where stores like Gap offer size 0 and 2 in maternity apparel. all i really need are one good pair of jeans that i can sit comfortably on the coach in and i'll be happy.
next weekend jon and are i planning on going up to portland, i'm hoping we come back with a crib. i've already found a few i really like, props to craigslist. their won't be a baby room for quite a while but still- i would love to get going on his corner of the room as soon as possible. we
day by day i'm introduced to new sensations: the constant urge to go to the bathroom, the itchiness of my belly, the kicks and stretches of my son inside me, the uncontrollable gas, the greatness of second trimester sex, and the piercing pain of my side when my son is laying on my sciatic nerve. just this evening as i layed on the coach watching the evening news, gently rubbing a spot on my belly that was dying for an itch, i felt the baby begin to squirm, a "tickled" sort of squirm, so i continued to dance my fingers along the obviuos spot where he layed, laughing uncontrollably at the squirms going on within.
so often i catch myself mystifying the past in embellished grandeur, longing for the days that were instead of paying homage to the present and what i might long for if only it was already a memory. i hope not to make that make mistake now; to relish every moment in the moment. i understand this oppurtunity might not ever come again just as much as it will come again, either way i find refuge in knowing i'm cherishing every second of it. even this one.