if my(and by MY i mean JON'S) camera wasn't in texas, and if we weren't so poor (pronounced phooh) (so i could download the pics), i could have everyone reading this crying, and pitying me, instead.

the hubbie went fishing last weekend with his brother. once on friday night then again on saturday and sunday. it was friday night's excursion below 4000 ft., jon's forgetfulness to put his possible poison oaked clothes in a separate plastic bag, and my wearing his t'shirts to bed that has me from neck to knees covered in a red, puss filled rash. not too mention, incredibly ITCY. of course, jon didn't get a lick of it and contributes this to him being a true woodsmen. also, uber lucky.

i've spent the past few nights sleeping on the coach as we are afraid the bed is contaminated so today i'm going to laundry mat and washing everything fifty times.

it's all i've got for today and maybe for the next two weeks.

i wonder if hitting rock bottom is finding regis and kelly live enjoyable, dear i admit...humorous. yes, that was me this morning: belly full of peanut butter toast and chocolate milk, laying on the coach with the world's most comfortable blanket, unable to change the channel, afraid to look up in case i really was down.

because damn that kelly is sassy and witty, and talk about chemistry! her and regis are just a fantastic duo.

watching had me wanting a new york visit. and new york visits get wanting self-gratification, expensive lingere, european shoes, lunches in soho, days dedicated to the MET, and More out of Everything. it's a wonderfully evil place. i'm so overwhelmed with the frustrations of life right now: the fodder of fights and restless nights that most married couples go through that i always thought i'd be cooler than and more prepared so to avoid but here i am in it's grip and it's killing me and thus, annoying the hubs.

i feel so incredibly useless; so terribly upset with myself for getting myself here unprepared and even more, letting it affect me as it is.

a snow cone could fix this all, if only for the sugary ice melting 15 minutes it would take to devour. but oh, Where?

not a dime of time for self-editing. i admire the polished and composed, much more than i should. i find there is nothing glamorous about someone falling apart or fragments hanging from the celing post or a man crying(still sorry all the these years later) or dirty nails or runny eye liner, not even chunky highlites for that matter. which is why i have never understood the appeal of courtney love and loathe at my own inablity to transpire, on here, proper grammar and correct spelling. it's what drives me to scrub the grout lines in my kitchen and idolize gwneyth paltrow's style. it's more or less a virgo thing, i assume.

conrad is due in exactly one month from day. jon and i went to half a day Birth Preparation Class on saturday. half a day because we're both intolerable know-it-alls who decided we really didn't need the class afterall. however, i did find some of the information given to be useful, for instance, i'm almost 75% sure i'm going with the epidural now that i know the feel good juice won't med conrad. the only factor holding me back from a full 100 is the knowledge that once injected your immobile, stuck in bed. that, when in light of the fact first time babies typically take anywhere from 16-24 hrs to have, has me a little hesitant to be bed ridden for so long.

and there is my nickle.

before i explode, or "POP", and time, as i've been told, will disappear into the thin air around me until the one day i wake up to find myself at a highschool graduation wearing Birkenstocks and loving Oprah:

we moved about a month ago. out of an oddly spacious garage apartment we put our blood and sweat into-into a lovely little house with hardwood floors, an oven, a splendid yard, two bedrooms, and a pond in the front yard-in the medford ghetto..so to speak. the only thing to put it over the top would be cable, internet, a dishwasher, and the sounds of bullfrogs and owls as i go to sleep. i haven't quite got the baby room done. need a dern crib still!!! nor am i as ready for conrad as i know, 4 weeks out, as i should be. i could make a list of the neccasities but i'll restrain myself.

the trip to texas was awesome. a little hot and muggy but damn did it feel nice to have my sister with me and spend so much time with my parents...

hubbie just called, needs me to meet him at a gas station.

maybe next time i have a chance to post i'll be skinny.