this month's Forget Me Not's:

1. conrad being able to count from 1-5 on his fingers. albeit, 3 looks exactly like 4, and well, 2 is 2 index fingers instead of index and bird. still, this ability to count on his fingers is a growing indication of him truely grasping the concept of counting. he is even beginning to mimic my little counting game where i place different things like the blueberries on his tray in a 1,2,3,4,5 sequence, or count out things that are the same in books.

2. he put on shoes all by himself this week, which is something he has done for a month or so now, but this week after he had them on he proceeded to strap the velcro down too. my life is getting easier by the shoe.

3. he is also able to take off his clothes and semi put them on by himself. semi because he seems to often hit a hurdle when it comes to getting his pants over the bulging diaper in the back and finding the right hole for his head. i should omit socks from this achievement. we are nowhere close to being coordinated or patient enough for that one yet.

4. this month we took down the railing on his crib and converted it into a toddler bed. it's been such an easy transition, much easier than both jon and i imagined it would be. the routine is not as cut and dry as it once was-nap time has become Destruction Time in his room, though after pulling all his toys and books off the shelfs and the diapers from the hanging dragon, he always climbs back into his crib and for the next two hours silence falls in his room as he sleeps amongst the heaps of books in his bed.

5. ah! the slow fading of my toddler buddah! yesterday, to my complete and utter suprise, i witnessed him yank his favorite toy train from another childs hands. and when i confronted him about how we take turns, it was quite obvious he knew what he had done and he didn't really care i disapproved.

6. words!!!! all sorts of them. all sorts that sound nothing like the word itself. but he is finally trying, and every now and then he freakin nails it, sending me into applause and enthusistic laudations.

7. hugs and kisses and HI's and sharing his juice with my tummy. there is no question about it: conrad understands that there is a baby in my tummy, and he loves the idea of it. after seeing a mother coddle a very tiny one out and about yesterday, he has know began to walk around the house doing the same with his elmo and teddy bear. i know he is going to be an awesome big brother.

8. thomas the train has completely over-hauled elmo's reign of terror on our television. it's "chu-chu-chu" time all the time, and i'm very close to the edge because of it.

9. the emergence of wrestling grunts, giggling at his own farts, screaming in unison with other kids on the playground, going down the big slide by himself, climbing those vertical monkey bar things that they put on playgrounds to give we parents near heart attacks, loving ring around the rosies a bit too much, demanding unreasonable particularities, and being silly for attention.

better for you than fries

in the parking lot of a mom and pops outdoor store right off west main street stands erect a twenty foot poorly crafted black bird. fittingly the store is named Blackbird and it is the sort of place you go when your covered in poison ivy and am jonesing for a giant bottle of Acnu, or your on your way out of town and forgot the water filter for your three day hike into the vast wilderness of southern oregon. every few months you can find a handful of workers changing out the blackbirds attire: during spring when medford comes a buzz with the impending annual Pear Blossom Run he sports a yellow marathon vest with the numbers 1111 on the back; in winter his beak is covered in a stringy white santa beard, and when fall rolls back around i venture to assume he will once again be in his halloween witch costume with a pumpkin under his wing. his changing attire is a visual calender, and i'm always amped when i drive by and find him holding his 10 foot fishing pole, for i know that can only mean one thing: the bird knows summer is practically here.

not that i need such a remainder anymore- this weekend we experienced a record breaking heat wave which resulted in rosy cheeks and stinky armpits all over the valley. but today cheeks and pits are back to normal. a tad overcast occasionally spilling chasms of sunlight onto the surrounding hills bursting with that florescent green only found in spring and a traffic light; with fields drowned in yellow and purple wild flowers driving from A to B is a lesson in colors and botony.

i've stopped to think what i'm writing about....birds. summer. colors. surely not.

maybe an introduction into the culture of medford, oregon where we decorate parking lot eye sores based on seaons and 5ks.

i had things to share. like the story out today about the creator of nysnc and backstreet boys who has been sentenced to 25 years in prison. well not the story itself, but the picture of the guy responsible for envisioning such a circumstance that could send little girls into a feverish frenzy. a peevishly looking older man with a fat face and a look in his eyes that reminded me one of one of those characters in a tv drama about a child sex offender. i found the discovery to be highly amusing and unsettling.

and about american idol. how for the life of me i could think of nothing else last night but the ungodly amount of eyeliner ryan seacrest had on. oh! and about the "2007" line randy had that NOBODY seemed to catch. or maybe care. except me because i find such verbal blunders to be quite hilarious no matter what night of american idol it is, or if i'm in church and it's an alter call.

there is the story of conrad powdering his entire room while he was suppose to be napping. if i was thinking and not laughing out a lung at the time i surely would have taken a few pictures to post here. but time is pressing me to do a few things productive before that curious little man of mine wakes from his nap and demands i do everything he seems fit for me. even if that means mommy sit here and look that way, no that way, a tad more to the left. perfect. i love his crazy antics and exercises in dictatorship.

i dreampt last night we named the baby Roman. this dream comes after another dream i had a month or so ago where we named him Trevor-two names i hadn't thought of until i woke up the next morning from dreaming it. jon dismissed Trevor immediately on the basis he has known a few doosh bags named Trevor, but Roman he pondered with while walking out of the backdoor this morning, coffee in hand.

i also dreampt he, being jon obviously, wanted to have sex with the chic from Father of the Bride, and i was like, whatever as long as i can have sex with Kelly Rippa's hot hubby. something else i hadn't thought of till i woke up from dreaming it.

i wonder if he's wearing pleather pants to coordinate with that shirt?!?

i never thought the day would come where i would be so escatic to be poor, but today and yesterday and until after baby number two comes, i am! a few months back we applied for the oregon health plan and a month ago found out we were ineligible because we exceeded the income limit, but something wonderful happened when i lost my job in januray: our income slide right under the scale to be eligible. so starting may 1st ALL the prenatal care, ultrasounds, doctor visits, labor, delivery, hospital fees, newborn fees, the whole darn kit and kaboodle will be covered. i mean, even if i was still working, and had health insurance, it still wouldn't be as sweet as a deal to get the whole thing for FREE. we are still paying conrad off, and that was with pretty good health insurance, so this is as kick ass as kick ass could get. God is genius, and oregon is great for taking care of us pohr poeples.


i also found The House last night on craigslist. it really is everything and more and at the right price too. the lady told me there is another couple ahead of us but she hasn't checked their references so i'm praying either they suck or she finds great favor with us.


conrad although isn't falling into the good news segment; the past few days have been challenging ones, to say the least. i'm not sure if it's because he still is feeling crappy or because of two teeth cutting in, or because, as i fear, my good fortune with him has expired and he is now a normal child. just this afternoon we spent a good thirty minutes doing time outs because he kept hitting me. the intersting thing is that he wasn't doing it out of frustration or anger, but with a smile on his face. which makes me think he is merely juxaposting my reactions with different physical acts. none the less, it is unnerving and i would definitely prefer we back track to the hugs and kisses comparison and analysis. or maybe back rubs and foot massages.

and now to clean.

a women with a dream: a cure for all hernia sufferers!

check out the boogie in his nose!

a boy with a magical watering pot.

that he can drink out of.

watching jets on youtube in the pj's.

i'm sending this one into america's next top model.

and fishing.

we started our weekend on friday. jon had already worked an exorbitant amount of hours by thursday that by the time friday morning rolled around he was either taking the day off or i was going to call in a bomb threat to his work. thankfully he was given the day off, and so we did what we do best, and that is spend the day by the river. it was a perfect day too, and by 11am or so i had my pants rolled up and the layers peeled off onto a blanket on the shore. shahala, zion, and pete joined us for awhile. at one point i turned around to see conrad with his safari hat looking quite like a little person down on a trail with zion in her halter top right behind him following along. it was one of those sights i'll never forget because the two of them looked so grown up, like a little couple out on a walk in the forest together, sharing secrets and rocks.
saturday i did my yard saling thing. a total bust, especially compared to last saturday when i scored everything from a nice living room rug to a sur la table serving dish to a baby moses carrier to a Diane von Fürstenberg skirt to a train set to pine toy box to a...oh i could go on and on and on. i did walk away with an old dresser that i got for twenty dollars-a DIY moment you could say-i bought it with the notion i would sand it down, put a finish on it, replace the knobs, and voila, a pottery barn-esque $1,000 dresser that only cost me $20 plus the supplies. of course once i got it home and began sanding it, it soon dawned on me i would be sanding the blasted thing till the new baby comes.
after i got home from my yard saling bust i walked downtown and met conrad and jon at medford's pear blossom parade. we stayed for awhile, long enough to consume a decent amount of vendor food and watch the firetrucks and crazy shriners go by.
sunday we skipped church. i was tired and needed a nap only a hour after waking up. after i finally did wake up we went to a nearby lake with a neighbor kid who so sweetly invited himself along. i made sandwiches, brought all the fixings for strawberry shortcake then of course forgot the forks to eat it with; conrad and me chased one another around, went for a walk down on the dock, while jon taught neighbor kid mike how to fish.
it's monday now and the house needs to be reminded i haven't forgotten it, so does the empty refrigerator.

here is just a fraction of the pictures i took. i'm still waiting for the ones his aunt and grampa took. i'll be creating a special Whales Vagina folder for the slew of them.

this picture was taken after the one right below it. i was asking conrad to smile for the camera and he gave the below look as the flash snapped-then, as if knowing exactly what he was doing when he gave me that derrr pose, started laughing at himself. luckily i was able to take a picture for proof.

derr pose.

california has some of the best playgrounds. this one was surrounded by palm trees on a cliff.

me in front of my ocean front dream house in la jolla. unfortunately, it's a historical society building.

"wow" was his favorite word of the trip.

conrad and aunt jessica at the beach.

by the end of the day we all looked like that.

conrad doing his elephant sign. which also was his favorite animal of the day.

i think him and the turtles had a connection.

above the zoo.

this picture is definately out of order.

conrad above the zoo in his uncles arms.

in the bird sancturay.

almost looking so it counts.

bar none, this was my busiest weekend since i moved to the northwest three years ago. and even before the weekend hit it seems i was nothing but a busy body hoping from one activity, one chore, one to-do to another. i'd love nothing more than to take today to stop and catch my breath but tomorrow is our big trip to san diego and i still have way too much to do to even consider such a far-fetched dream. before the lifting of boxes and furniture for the yard sale shahala and i did on saturday, and before the uphill hike at raine falls, and maybe even before the swimming, the playdates, the grocery shopping, the feverish cleaning, entertaining, laundry, and wrestling with a toddler, i developed a hernia. it's killer first thing in the morning and anytime i get going too fast. yesterday i just had to stop and sit and let my mother in law do all the post dinner cleaning.

well here are a few pictures from some of our weekend, completely out of order:


this is what conrad decided easter eggs were good for: baseball practice.


finding an egg, the little eggert.


i perhaps hide them too well.


blowing bubbles at easter sunday service in the park.


too cute, i swear.


when he wasn't gnawing on it's ear he was hugging it.


jon and pete jumped in the river. momentarily. it was 42 degrees. yah.


not my best picture, but my only belly picture so far this pregnancy.


watching the dog.


the group.

before conrad fell in the river face first and got his shirt all wet.

men with babies.


getting started.

my boy. all boy.

elvira nails scratching down a green chalk board, stepping in a pool of unidentified something with socks on, half way through a recipe when you realize your one egg shy, being in the midst of a poopy diaper change, in a store dressing room none the less, when you realize you forgot to pack baby wipes...

for me, yesterday was like a tangible form of all those things; went to bed too late, woke up too early, conrad refused to nap, it was rainy and cold so we were inside ALL day, and jon didn’t get home till almost 6. it was the sort of day, if i wasn’t pregnant, i would have gotten my drink on at 6:01pm and not a minute later, then maybe on the way home from the bar throw some eggs out the car window at garden gnomes and bird feeders. perhaps run around the neighborhood in only a pair of socks, the purple fuzzy ones my gramma got me for christmas last year-they’re super comfy, just for the hell of it. and then another drink. but since i am pregnant and therefore unable to drink enough tequilla to excuse any such behavior, i made dinner, watched jon and conrad throw one another off the bed, and then went to barnes and noble, bought a book about toddlers, and then came home to find both my husband and child asleep on the coach with elmo’s world playing in the back ground.

this morning i woke up determined to have a different sort of day. or a stiff drink. so i made plans to meet a friend at the mall so conrad could burn steam at the indoor playground, we went swimming before that, and once we got home, at 3pm, i was beginning to believe he just might be ready for his nap. a nap he hasn’t taken in days.

touch down. birth defect avoided.

previous experience is telling me the current size of my abdomen isn't big, big is being nine months pregnant and not being able to shave your legs because of it. still, looking at my belly, looking in the mirror, i feel big. my mother in law heard the cry of my clothing needs and bought out the juniors clearance section at macy's. thank goodness for her and the lingering current style of tunic-esque tops. unlike my pregnancy with conrad this time i feel adequately attired. speaking of looking at my belly and all.

this friday is my sonogram and needless to say i'm giddy with anticipation in finding out if IT is a boy or a girl. i had a dream the other night It was a boy and i couldn't remember the labor because of hypno-birthing ( my alternative to traditional prenatal classes and pain medication, and hopefully, something i won't regret. ever since the episode with the flu shot i've really really started to re-think traditional medicine-and while i'm not willing to give up one for the other i definately want to start adding more naturalistic practices into our health care routine and needs. though i'll definately be having the baby at the hospital. conrad's birth was way too scary to think it would be safe and wise to do this next one at a birthing center...though cheaper, that's for damn sure).

earlier today conrad and i went to the shoe store and then to harry and david's next store-i had bought conrad his summer shoes and then my mother her mother's day present. that makes three bags plus a little 19th month old i always carry when going through parking lots. i knew there was No Way i could do it. in harry and david's conrad had stood in front/under me pushing the cart around; people commented on my little helper, old ladies cooed, and conrad seemed elated at this new found independence i was allowing him. back out in the parking lot, three bags in hand, staring down at my ever independent child, i asked conrad to carry a bag with one hand and then with his other hand to hold very tightly to my hand. for the past few months i've been stressing the NO on parking lots and the street, so when conrad heard the invitation i was giving him he gladly gave me his hand with a tight squeeze and took the bag with the other. we walked through that parking lot mom and little helper. i've never been more proud of him!

i've been meaning to do a Daily Discovery or Weekly Discovery blog post to journal conrad's random and adorable discoveries. last week was the usefulness of pockets. jon had put a rock in conrad's coat pocket and a little light bulb went on over conrad's head. now when we're outside playing or on a walk he'll find a rock and put it his pocket-some pockets are easier than others, but it's a thrill for conrad to pull that rock out at random intervals, look at it, then place it back in his pocket. unfortunately, yesterday he discovered Barney. i won't elaborate, it's painful to think about let alone rehash.

and here are two of the five pictures i've taken in the past few weeks.

conrad and zion trying to climb a tree.

yes, yes, and yes we found a bbq place on our way to salem.

love, and the things we find enduring:

the way he worked that crab, the way right into my heart.

happy valentines.

there is this constant sensation, the feeling of anxiety mixed with nausea. last week i was finally able to stay awake during conrad's nap and begin on my ever growing to-do list. one of those was "find out about health insurance during pregnancy", which is kinda like saying, "drink from a straw while standing on your head".
after much web searching, i finally was finally able to ascertain the reality that we. were. screwed. for those who have been in the same predicament you know HIPPA is a big joke. a real knee slapper.
when i first began the task i wasn't all that worried, after all, i wasn't insured when we found out i was pregnant with conrad. i had even gone to my first OB appointment without insurance; but unlike that time, this round jon's company has so benevolently taken away his health insurance, despite that being a huge factor in our decision to stay here instead of moving to salem. so while previously we had merely added me onto jon's company's group plan-something actually covered by HIPPA-this time around we were left to attain a private health care plan that accepts a previous condition.
fortunate to share we did find OMIP (oregon medical insurance pool) which has to provide-albeit for $276 a month-health insurance for those considered high risk and/or with a previous condition who make too much-please add a hahahaha-to be eligible for OHP or any other of those your real poor or a mexican so here is everything for free abbreviated plans. the stickler is we'll have to wait a 6 month waiting period in which we'll have to pay full price for all the prenatal care. in other words, if you know of anyone looking for a kidney or a liver i might know were you get one for a good price. meth too.
i've also been laid off/taken off the schedule. i think it has to do with the fact i'm pregnant and can't work the entirety of my shift because half of it is after the kitchen closes when everyone starts to smoke, but that is neither here or there. the thing is we rely on my income and now i have none, plus i'm pregnant and that is a hard sell to a future employer.
all that to say, i'm stressed. i'm in my first trimester and sick too.for a few weeks now i've been experiencing abdominal pain, similar to cramps, coupled with slight spotting. i'm sure it's nothing, though it's not helping with my stress levels.
please feel free to add an encouraging word and/or mail large donations to:
P.O. Box 18534
Corpus Christi, TX
78480

with no food in the fridge, little money to be spent, no shifts to work on the weekend, stir crazy from the winter sentence of being home bound, jon and i decided we would take advantage of our cirumstances and make the three and a half drive up to salem to see and stay with his parents.


we were greeted with hot from the oven chicken pot pie and a toasty fire place to sit in front of while conrad banged on the same piano jon as a little boy once took a wooden spoon to and made rice out of the keys with-later on in life he would redeem himself in his mothers eyes by learning how to play saffagiato on it. a reasonable deal i think.


here are some pictures from our weekend.

i promise to do this only hardly ever.
perhaps it is my age, almost 30, becoming acutely aware of the world around me and how, no matter how much i wish it wouldn't, it affects me, or being a mother, and in doing so, being the inspector of everything Conrad might touch, smell, taste, hold, see, and do, of wanting to safeguard him against anything that might not coincide with his adorableness, that might cause him harm, object to his happy future, or maybe my world is just becoming small, and i have nothing better to focus on than this upcoming election. whatever the case may be, i am.
last night Conrad and i, after returning from target where we purchased every possible toddler necessity, turned on the television as we settled down to play with his mountain of toys. we hadn't watched anything since that morning, and in the morning, all i watch is the news. CNN was televising the n.h. primary, and Hillary Clinton was in the lead by just a few points.
of course, polling in, she won by 2%.
and here lies my disgust.
really?!? Hillary Clinton?!? that's who 39% of New Hampshire democrats think is the best candidate for running our great country of America...Hillary Clinton?!? i'm shocked and horrified people. i'll even repeat it, shocked and horrified!
if the democrats were smart, they'd put all their support and energy into Barack Obama. even me, a born and raised republican, wouldn't mind voting for him. in fact, if comes down to Obama and Romney i'll be more than happy to switch sides. really there aren't that many republican candidates i would vote for over Obama. Ron Paul, sure. maybe McCain. but for many undecided republicans and independents, the idea of that women in the oval office will bring the forces together for any other candidate. there is nothing about Hillary Clinton i find real, or admirable. nothing. she is a politician through and through. just the fact that she switched masks when she lost Iowa is proof. and for that matter all the other democratic candidates who decided to piggy back's Obama's message of change when they found out in the exit polls it was important. and as for experience? hasn't she been in the senate the same amount of time as Obama? is her experience in being the wife to a better than she politician? i've never understood that argument.
and barf me a new lung if i hear one more political analyst call her the "comeback kid" or refer to her n.h win as BIG. the win was meager: two points over someone two months ago was written off by all the pollsters and pundits. and comeback nothing? to comeback you had to have been a winner at some point. she placed third in Iowa, not second, not first. there is no coming back if you were never there.

i will never take a gingerbread man cookie for granted again. after the kitchen was ripped apart from head to toe gathering the ingredients and bowls and mixers, with flour covering the counter tops, conrad retrieving various kitchen utensils from the drawer i have foolishly placed him on a chair in front of so that he can help roll the dough and cut it into mini edible men with me, with sticky gooey hands from having had grabbed the whisk dripping with batter that is now on everything in his reach, i have only a few gingerbread men with all their extremities intact to show for it...and a happy little toddler with molasses on has shirt.

one of the perks of having a baby:

back-up corks for when you f'up opening a bottle of wine.

he's practising for his role as a bird/old man with no teeth taking a dump in the backyard.

check out the yellow jacket that got decapitated! that sincerely made my morning. and in addition to this wasp trap, i've also found a great way of killing them: it's an all-natural/poison free aerosol that i spray on them when their hoovering over the ground. by itself it won't kill them, so once their knocked on their ass i then proceed to beat the living pollen out of them with the can. jon thinks it barbaric, or at least that's what his face is saying to me.

our grapes! their are four different bunches of these grapes and if they don't ripen soon i will have to eat them as is. the anticipation is killing me.

gold medal to conrad for being able to perch in this pool. you just have no idea how Cold that water is. it comes from the applegate reservoir, though i swear they must have the pipeline going through Antarctica before it makes it to us. plus side: no need for ice cubes.

the look back. all mothers know what this means: trouble on the horizon.