last night i had this wonderful idea of dumping a bag of flour on the floor and then placing some measuring cups and bowls with water in them down there too, and to top it all off, add conrad in just his diaper to the mixture ( i was hoping for tasty baby pie and ended up with a sticky,doughy baby ready to have newspaper machete all over him and made into a vbs craft time balloon). so of course, that is exactly what i did, and what i did was not think through this great idea; no, i did not take into consideration that flour plus water equals glue, and that, glue on a tile floor means there can only be one way to clean it up, and that is on all fours with a knife, chiseling away like a mad women. nor did i really think through just how conrad and i would get clean taking a shower together, or that all that dough being washed off conrad would end up getting stuck in my muff. that's right, i wrote it: flour glue in my muff! but lordy, was it just too much fun watching him make dough and realizing dough don't taste like pears, not a damn bit.

i've been sitting here in front of the computer, gazing, reflecting, re-hashing the past few days events and what i should purge from my crowded mental cavity, only to keep rounding a personal dilemma: post-natal baby hair regrowth retardation.

i don't remember if i ever blogged about my hair loss after conrad was born or not...but, yes, i did. i lost it in clumps and handfuls, down the drain, and all up in my hair brushes business. i joked around with jon that i would soon look like gollam and thank god i never did though i did come close and even started mumbling diatribes about "my precious" and catching fish with my hands.

not too long ago, oh let's say, a month ago i started noticing little cute baby hairs popping up all along the edge of my hair line and on top of my head; and sure, it was exciting and encouraging at first, dare i say, dainty. but then they started to grow, and grow curly, sticking out from underneath my straight hair like a bad wig.

i thought that my hair dresser might be able to give me a hair cut to hide them but then he cut my hair and i came to the conclusion he pretty much sucks and i probably need to find a new hair dresser, regardless.

my sister has one of those uber fancy straighting irons that, when she was here, i used and was able to get some control, but now that she's gone and i'm left with my $20.00 Revlon Straightner, and cursing at my hair.

the downside of upside and the upside of downside



conrad's first art project. he calls it,
"ketchup and mustard reflections"

i've blogged before about the trials and tribulations in changing conrad's diaper, cross comparing to him to a twirling, spinning river otter. that was about a month and a half ago: a month and half ago before he was actually crawling and pulling himself up to standing positions. if before he was a river otter he is now a flapping and jumping and impossible to get your hands around, determined to pull his diaper off before you have it fastened on, attempting to jump off the side of the changing table, crawl away bare butt(ed) 22lb fish. it makes me miss the days of getting a urine shot in the eyeball and epic assplosions, and that's saying alot. really, i don't think jon or myself knew just how good we had it.

lately it seems everything is becoming a little more complicated, just not the diaper changes. our typical 2-4 night wakings have turned into 4-6; and i would desperately like to let him "cry it out" but the problem is no longer the issue of him feeling abdonned or not but of him standing in his crib unable to figure out how to sit or lay back down from that position. even getting him down for naps and bedtime has become a full on ordeal due to his infatution with not laying down and pulling his diapers out of the dragon-diaper-holder-thing we have on the wall next to his crib. sometimes i'll go in there after thinking i have him down for a nap and find him chest deep in diapers with a huge tired grin on his face.

of course, along with all these new challenges has come the joy in watching him discover his ability in pulling all the tupperware out of the drawer or the look of accomplishment he gets when he, incessantly, pulls the drain out in the tub when i'm trying to bath him in water is left, or the way he defeatidly hums along as i sing him to sleep; and so, so much more.

none the less, i wish they made infant sedatives for doing diaper changes. :)

re:conrad's first time in a pool

i'm almost positive if i were to strap conrad to the back of a rocket and blast him off into space and then him land on the moon and meet a few aliens and have indian food with them, then come back earth to me, he would be clapping and smiling for more; there just isn't much you can throw at that kid that he doesn't Love and Love whole heartidly.

earlier today conrad and i went over to shahala and zion's house for our first play date. zion was sleeping so i took the oppurtunity to feed conrad a jar of food and then he enthusiastically explored the new house while shahala and i chatted and had a cup of tea. shahala was planning on taking zion to the pool afterwards and so our play date turned into a pool date. we ran home and threw some towels and swim trunks in a plastic bag and made our way to the YMCA.

the first few minutes in the water conrad seemed more interested in watching zion, then, like magic, the awesomeness of this giant mass of water that he was in and i was in and his new friends were in, dawned on him and he began to kick and splash and laugh like nothing in his life had ever been so wonderful, not even lou dog licking his face or daddy tossing him vigorously through the air.

within thirty minutes conrad was attempting to blow bubbles and wanting me to superman him across the surface of the water, and though his bathtime gave me every inclination he would be a water baby, i wasn't quite expecting him to figure out the doggy paddle so quickly.

we rinsed off at the showers, and conrad squealed and grasped at the water falling; we dried off, and conrad gibbered away to zion; we went out for thai food and conrad banged on the table; we came home and he nursed and fell asleep. if only everyone was as happy and easy going as conrad.

pictures from michelle's fantastic-but-never-quite-long-enough visit:

i have enough of this set of pictures to keep me laughing
for years to come.

i honestly can not descibe the "protective big sister" feeling

that came over me when taking this picture; she is seriuosly

a foot away from death by violently crushing water.

easter morning service on a blanket in the park, brilliant!

under the shade of tree at a park in jacksonville.

the saga of sickness continues here in the eggert-world. i would only bore you if i were to list the symptoms and conditions and medications we've experienced and taken. currently, it's that same cold bug i blogged about a month ago: she's back. the on again, off again of good health has left things undone and unkept around here-to the point where i really don't know where to start to catch us back up. bills have been paid late and we're all out of clean towels, again. conrad is hauling ass now, crawling around like he's been doing it for years, taught classes on it, wrote a "how to" book or two on the subject. it's pretty damn exciting to watch him boogie from room to room but all that To Do of baby proofing is timely imperative now; because our house was built before infant life expectancy, actually baby proofing it has proved to be more than a chore, a magic trick. since all the flooring is either tile, old vinyl, or slickity slick hardwood, anything that is not super sturdy and heavy poses as a falling hazard. already he is pulling himself up on furniture, attempting at standing (which i imagine leads to attempting to climb). we've already had to move the coffee station into the pantry and move that shelve of pantry into one of those plastic drawer things that had kept all our glass recyclables, to which i tossed out. but then this morning jon informed me that, that isn't quite working out for him-he finds too much difficulty having to pull the coffee maker a few inches out to put the water in it. we also have to replace all our trash bins with trash bins that have lids, as conrad has demonstrated his will to discover what mommy's dirty kleenex's taste like after a few days of getting all crusty. and then there is the need for two more baby gates and a office chair that doesn't have wheels and some sort of contraption to keep conrad out of the kitchen cabinets (nothing from Target has worked yet) and something or another to hide the cords going from the middle of the wall over to the computer; it seriously is a baby proofing nightmare. and i really should be taking this time he naps to get some of this done.

as timing would have it, conrad discovered his ability in crawling and sitting up in his crib on the same day that cold bug- that had me in it's death grip- gripped conrad as well. which made for the longest attempt at getting him down for his nap, a whole hour devouted to nothing but convincing conrad sleeping when your eyes are blood shot red and your habitually yawning and your sick is way more interesting than realizing you can pull yourself up on the crib railing and throw your pacifer to the ground. and last night was no better, according to jon ( i was at work). jon said it took him a miserbale hour and half before conrad finally passed out, and not in his crib but in jon's defeated arms out in living room watching Planet Earth; and if that was where this story ended i would still postulate us to be lucky and fortunate. however, and unpleasantly, the amalgamation of a sick infant, and a sick infant who went to bed in a state of displeasure and stress, resulted in me being up every single hour last night to either rock him back to sleep or feed him back to sleep or simply put back in his pacifer. i can only say, thank God our bugs didn't doing any amaglamating and that at least i have the "energy" and dry nose to do it.

after fifteen minutes of lying in bed listening to conrad do his "i'm not tired, really i'm not. squeal-yawn-yawn." routine, followed by lou dog barking away like a ravenous beast at probably a leaf blowing in the wind, i guess a much needed nap will have to wait. two nights ago i went to bed with an annoying runny nose and now this morning i am not only still dealing with that same runny nose but also nostrils that feel like they were dipped in tabasco and eyes that feel like sand is in them and overall like the inside of a fat man's ass. the last time i was sick jon stayed home and took care of conrad while i layed on the couch wallowing; it took a day, a day of sheer wallow, but then, that next day, i was back to my cleaning, cooking, productivity obsessed self again. which, being sick, isn't desirable by any means, but the best considering my situation; this time, however, i not only have to work later in the day but this cold bug is giving me every indication she ain't going down without a fight. and all this because the other day i was at the pharmacy picking up an asthma inhaler and somehow i got into a conversation with the pharmacist on how conrad and i have only gotten sick once since he was born versus the 6-12 times my pediatrician said was normal for mothers and infants( not in day care) to get sick by the time the child is 1 years old. knock on wood the jinx only applies to me; it's virtually impossible to keep conrad sanitized from me, especially considering he has thing about putting his fingers in my mouth when he nurses, and that just this morning i caught him with one of snot drenched klennexes in his mouth. delicious, i'm sure. and now i'm waiting for doctor to call me back and tell me what if anything i can take; one of the few downfalls of breastfeeding.

there in the picture on your left, behind that adorable baby, is a patch of dead grass. see it. yes there i have grand plans for a grand garden. a garden bearing lettuce and carrots and tomato's and cilantro and basil, maybe some magical love beans too. a few weeks back i "picked up" another mom at the grocery store; we exchanged numbers in the spirit of calling each other up the next nice day to go walking together. although, playing it cool i waited a good week to call her and then last friday we finally hooked up and took the kiddos for a walk downtown and had coffee and checked out some thrift stores (great story involving conrad and her little girl, zion, i must blog about.) and planned to get a garden co-op going. i can't tell you just how excited i am at not only making a cool friend but a friend who shares my love for gardening and that quasi-hippy way of life. quasi-as i did not pay the extra $2.00 per bag for organic dirt, likewise with the seeds (really, isn't planting it yourself in your own yard ORGANIC?!?). not to mention, but she is a mom; a mom with a little girl two days older than conrad; a first time mom; a mom kinda like me. it's a match made in food 4 less, a salad in a month.

last tuesday night i started back to work; a very last of the minute sort of thing, and i wasn't prepared mentally or emotionally or milkfully. jon sat on the bed as i flipped through the undesirable collection of clothes hanging in my closet- chatting about when i would be home and what to do if he ran out of milk and conrad was loosing his shit- and all the meanwhile my heart was doing this slow break, because i knew, for the first time in almost 8 months, i wouldn't be there to give conrad his bath or read him his stories or snuggle on the bed with him before putting down in his crib and that thought was heart wrenching to me, really, really heart wrenching. and all at once it hit me and i burst into tears because i didn't think i could do it, physically, totally, inable. like the good, level headed man jon is he talked down from the ledge and gave me that boost of support and perspective to get me out the door and into my car; and there in my car i believed all he said, knowing it was short term and by next week i would only be missing two bed times instead of the four already assigned. plus, it was true, i needed to get out and mingle and make lots and lots of money. a week later, i'm glad i did. alex's (my new place of employment) seems like a great fit. i like the people i work with and they seem to like me. unlike alot of southern oregonians they seem to be more accustomed to banter and wit and sarcasms, which is my cup of tea. there is nothing more intolerable than working with a bunch of people who take themselves too seriously, except for working with a bunch of people who have chronic gas and talk to close for comfort. true story.

We finally had a break from the overcast, dreary, dismal weather this past week; cloudless skies and the sort of temperature that makes you want to roll up your long sleeves and walk barefoot through the soft cool grass. It was wonderful in every way being cooped up for X amount of months and finally being able to drag a blanket out in the front yard to lay upon could be. Conrad and I seized every possible opportunity to bask in it's greatness and it was in those moments watching him shrill with excitement as I pushed him in the infant swing at the park and doing fly baby out in the front yard where I had to slap myself at, not only my good fortune to be able to enjoy the fine weather, but to enjoy it with Conrad. Everyday is my favorite day, and it's because I get to wake up to this little thing smiling from ear to ear as he flaps uncontrollably from the excitement at seeing me. I can, with conviction, say, you haven't lived till you've had a child.

one of my favorite things ( to which i'm aware, i say too much, throwing it around like a mason with a hand full of candy on thanksgiving day, but dare i say, the one i'm about to share really rates at the top):

imagine the sounds you might here of somebody getting a deep tissue massage while downing an number 3 from arby's whilst listening to ocean sounds on a pair of headphones...that's kinda what conrad sounds like when he's really enjoying a nice warm meal on the boob, and, redundancy aside, it's one of my favorite things in life.

attention moms and baby experts

oh what to do, what to do...see, conrad loves bath time, really friggin loves it, like me with a jar of nutella and just like me with nutella, things often get a little dangerous. he has no concept that a body of water is a force to be reckon with and so will fling himself in every direction to fall into it and when i have him on his belly, soaping his baby butt, i am fighting with him to not drink the water.

i sure could use a suggestion, or another set of arms. please.

a (belated) baby shower picture:


me and marian, and conrad trying out his cowboy boots.

it's official, conrad has said his first word, and, despite my coaching and bribbery, it was Daddy. for a few weeks now he has been nothing but Da and Dah and DaDa and even the occasional Daddy (pronounced Dahdee), but it wasn't till last night that it was obviuos he knew exactly whom he was referring to when he said it; and it was exciting and thrilling and beautiful even though it wasn't Mommy.

there are other sounds and syllables and words, like Mommy. and while he has said the rare Mommy it's pretty (embarrasingly) apparent he has no idea who Mommy is-to him it's the sweet potatoes on his highchair, the rattle, the running water, the itch on his baby balls. and while i'd at least like to be number 2 in his vocabulary, it's looking like Dog might be before me. i give this defeat of importance up to the altar of motherhood, another knot on my mommy belt, right next to fugly hair and sore nipples.

6 months, 3weeks, something days



rolled from back to tummy effortlessly: check

6 months, 3 weeks, 3 days

jon: so how many times have you dropped conrad?

me: (look of disgust at such a question) seriuosly?!? none.

jon: no, i mean Total...

during the last few months of being pregnant and the first few months with a new baby it seemed everywhere i went, everybody i met, and alot i didn't had some sort of advise to give me about Motherhood. in that pot o' wisdom was numerous stories about babies falling off of beds and changing tables followed with verbage like "it's happened to all of us, so don't be too hard on yourself when it happens to you". and up until recently i had wondered how in the f'bomb someone could have their baby fall from underneath their nose. like i said, up until recently; and while it's never happened to me, i'm beginning to see how such a situation might kinda possibly occur. there have been many a times i'm seconds away from letting conrad party in his birthday suit just because how hopeless it seems to get him to stop rolling over while i'm trying to put the diaper underneath him or for him to stop pulling the diaper off before i have it on. the kid is like an otter twirling and spinning- it's funny till i'm dizzy or he gets a little too close to achieving escape. i figure we'll eventually have to start doing diaper changes on the floor or on our bed which is kinda stupid because why in the flip do they even sell changing tables for if you can only safely use them for 6 months?!? none the less, point is, diaper changes suck more now than they did when every other one was an assplosion. that's conrad though: even in the delivery room the nurses were commenting while trying to put a monitor thingamojobber on his head- via inside me-just how wiggly and squirmy he was; and after he was born, during that swaddle stage, ya, No. we would try and inevitably he would have kicked and wiggled to a sleep without bondage. just this morning jon was holding him in his lap when all of a sudden conrad saw something on the floor he wanted and presto bingo there he went diving for it, evading head trauma by seconds thanks to both of our quick reflexes.

more tommorrow.

6months, 3 weeks, and 1 day

keeping to my word although truth be told i'm already over this writing everyday thing.


well conrad is napping. he takes 3-4 naps a day depending on how long he's down for at each napping juncture. all in all the kiddo sleeps about 14 hours a day, give or take a hour. his current nap is my favorite because it's the 2 hour snoozer and that means i have plenty of time to go catch a matinee or drive around recklessly without my seatbelt, though typically i spend it mopping the floor and emailing people and paying the bills and washing the dishes and mindlessly browsing for thisandthat on ebay. i no longer coddle or sing to conrad before his naps; this because jon and i are pretty sure it has some mystical effect on him waking up in the middle of night. thankfully he has a teddy bear that he loves and loves to wrestle with and gnaw on and in doing so he forgets all about why i'm not holding him and falls asleep instead in his teddy's embrace. lately he has been demanding- by means of thrusting his body back towards the crib in the direction of his teddy-that when i come to take him out of his crib i not forget his furry brown friend too.

tuesday night might go down in history as conrad's night of perpetual wakings. every two hours he woke up screaming and crying, wanting one thing and one thing only, the boobie. at his 3am juncture i was just too tired; jon and i laid in bed paralyzed with fatigue, listening, then falling asleep, up again at 5am shamefully wondering if conrad ever fell asleep too. then the next morning we rehashed the nights events like two people who drank too much tequilla and did something they don't remember or don't want to admit they remember. but most of all we were like decectives, red eyed, caffenine desperate decectives, trying to piece together what went wrong.

when conrad was just a few weeks old he would sleep in 3-4hour spurts, and then at 2months he graduated to 4-5hour spurts, and then at 3months 5-6hour spurts, and eventually he was sleeping through the night. then last month he got his first cold and all our progress and my sweet 8 hours of unbroken sleep went down the shitter. so for the past few weeks jon and i have been mad sleep scientists- working on potions, enforcing "methods". and it seemed all our sweat and blood was finally paying off, conrad was only waking up once a night and on two different occasions-gloriuos ones-he slept through the night.

the one constant and most recongizable factor was who puts him to bed every night, and that person was me. we have yet to go beyond hypothesizing on why it is, but for some unknown reason, conrad sleeps in longer spurts when his daddy puts him down at night. however, tuesday night i did. case solved.

yesterday morning while in retrospective analysist i realized i need something more than my huge and great brain to help me remember the passing days of conrad's behavior and developments-i need to journal, i need to write this stuff down; and not every now and then, but every day, every stinken day.

starting today.

This is A Journal About Conrad's Everything

6months, 3 weeks

conrad meet a little girl at church sunday in the lactating mother's room. her name was maddy and she was nine months. it was really fun to watch a baby not too much bigger than conrad crawling and holding herself up on furniture. conrad was enormed with her too, and seemed to really enjoy when maddy came over and "investigated" him. the only other baby conrad has ever seen up close and personal was a three month old girl (zoie) at the peditrican's office back at his 6month well check-up. he really loves other babies and is nothing but smiles and excitement when he see's another baby or child. we've been to the park a few times-and while i'm antsy for conrad to be big enough to play-he seems to simply enjoy watching the other children do just that, play. i'm also antsy to meet other new moms. i feel like someone whose been divorced for years and is now ready to start dating again but unsure were to start or where to look or even scared i don't know how to anymore. ;)

but back to conrad: about two weeks ago i introduced conrad to his first solid food, which was rice cerel because everywhere i looked thats what they suggested i start him out with; however, conrad thinks rice cerel is despicable and so i then let my motherly instinct direct me to his next food, and after realizing it was i who was hungry for pizza snackers i read on a different website that bananas or avocados or sweet potatoes were an ideal choice for all natural prevy mothers. so the next day i mashed up a banana but still conrad was not amused. i had given up, coming to the conclusion he just wasn't ready and my desire to take pictures of him with purreed food all over his face would have to wait till he was 12months. that was until one day when conrad, his gramma, and i were at a cafe in jacksonville having lunch and conrad leaned over in his highchair attempting to snatch my carnivore taco out from under my nose. i wasn't in the mood to share so i mashed up some of my avocado and let him take a taste. this was when everyone in the cafe heard the most delightful squeal, followed by grunts and moans of MORE. ever since then after his first nap he enjoys a nice bowl of purreed avocado in his highchair, and now i have pictures of a green baby.

in addition to the avocado he has also showed signs of liking grapes, and by signs i mean he violently grabs them out of my mouth and into his.

more later, i have dishes to do.

mommy era and baby kamila.

of all the days to be without a phone...

there is some catching up to do here. so much has happened; and the verbage "so much" has never seemed so sincere, honestly, so much. just this morning i was eating my breakfast looking at conrad in his 'bounce baby bounce' blabbering away at me his B's and i flashed back to not that long ago to similar mornings to the same baby who at the time was just nailing the smiling thing. the rate to which he develops is dizzing: in one day he went from despising tummy time-crying, face planting-to lifting himself up on his forearms and attempting to bring his legs underneath himself, making little scoots as he inches along with his fingers on the floor. the day this happened i began baby proofing of the house, i don't think it'll be too much longer till he is crawling, and heavens, when that day occurs i fear for anything in his hands reach: the kiddo short circuited my cell phone yesterday after getting ahold of it and doing some serious slobbering all over it and into the battery. you've never seen such a sight!

it really is beginning to feel more like a relationship than merely nurturing. for example: at night, before bed, jon and i take turns checking of the nighttime ritual list. jon kicks us off with playing his bass for conrad followed by me reading conrad a few books then, which ever one of us can or wants to, takes him into his room where we have the lights dimmed and we sit on the floor in front of his stuffed animal collection and say goodnight to all the crew: Pablo the Puppy, Ella the Elephant, Bosworth the Bear, Noel the Lamb, Raul the Rabbit, Alan the Alligator, Olivia the Pig, and Tully the Second Puppy. afterwards, i coddle conrad in the nursing chair and sing to him until he doozes off. lately, he has begun to hum along. there are countless other instances where it is becoming increasingly apparent we are no longer solely entertaining him but moreso, interacting/engaging with him.

i'm looking at him right now sitting on the floor(unassisted!) totally zoned into Seaseme Street. i can't wait till cookie monster's segment, conrad gets this silly grin and laughs at the sight of that wobbly eyed cookie munching puppet. not to negate from the wiggle magic, they can still hold his attention, somewhat. i think word came his way that the yellow one is retiring and as such has dampered his spirits because he hasn't been the same with the jirating foursome for a few weeks now.

as of a week or so ago his new object of affection has become a spatula. this could be partially(or largely) due to my feeble attempts at keeping him happy while i try to cook by handing him random kitchen appliances, knives excluded. i even carry one with me in my purse and have a spare in his diaper bag, a spatula that is.

though getting out and about is becoming much more difficult now that it is in the 30's. i really am missing our walks around town and our daily Target excursions. when i do get us all bundled and loaded into the car it's usually to the mall where i end up spending money i didn't plan to so as much as i like the change of scenery the pocket book is taking an unfortunate and unexpected diet from it.

we are thinking and talking about taking a trip to the town jon grew up in next month. it would be one of leisure but also one with the intention for me to check out the town to see if i would want to move there. we (i) need to go somewhere not medford and since jon insists we can't move to san diego till we have millions this is a place we might both like. i thought we covered all that ground before we said "we do" but i'm finding out all wasn't as specific as it should have been. but then again, it's hard to know the unknowable, ya know?!?

it's coming down in buckets. i had forgotten that it could; these texan rains are incredible, the only way it should rain. conrad is asleep in the guest bedroom we are calling home for the week. i keep poking my head in there to make sure the cat hasn't crawled up in bed with him looking for a snuggle buddy. which conrad would think was awesome. clover, thats the cat's name, has no concept of danger and so conrad has gotten a few swings at trying to pull his ears off his little head as well as with his tail. if it wasn't for me, he probably already would have. i remember instances with clover and my nephew caleb back when caleb was an ankle bitter himself: caleb would be clumisly walking around the house dragging a willing and frightened clover by his tail. that cat is one good sport but not too quick.

i'm in corpus for the week: a pre-christmas christmas holiday. we went to the beach the other day, it was conrad's first time to make it out of the car while at the beach. we had attempted it when he was just a few days old and my mother was visiting and while we, in turns, went to the beach conrad remained in his car seat snoozing away. this time around conrad experienced the waves crashing at his toes, the shadows of the seagulls flying above us, the breeze in his face, and the sand in between his toes. it was so fun to watch him flap his arms in great excitement and to squeal when the waves came crawling up the beach towards him and he literally did squish the sand in between his toes as the waves recedded. my dad wasn't there but when we relayed conrads apparrant affinity for the ocean my dad was stocked: alas, a male in his lineage he could mold into a beach bum after his own heart.

conrad is five months old. i can't believe it. i have these "love freakouts" as i like to call them when i, for lack of a better word, freakout at how much i love him. i'm sharing this because i'm about to have another one right now.

rounding corners

i was looking for a parking spot, mindlessly listening to the radio when i became painfully embarrased for the artist singing. her lyrics were so juvenille and inexpericened and i realized at one point i might have liked that song, i might have found solace in the implied, in the longing. but i've grown some-have a few more licks and kicks and perspective that comes only from having been there and being there-and the more i walk this line the more i find myself happily detaching from that sequence of self-becoming. which makes me wonder what corners are still out there? perhaps it has something to do with the man i married: mr. rational.

because this makes me smile.

i know it's quitting time when my own sister isn't checking my blog. but then again, if i were to close up shop i would miss out on all the random and fascinating google queries that lead people to here. like "green stockings prositute",or, my ultimate favorite, "irralevent".

my, that google has me pinned.

i just put the lid to the peanut butter jar on my glass of oj.

it took me five minutes to figure it out.

today is the Realization of Conrad's Conception, and also my mothers birthday. yes, a year ago i went into the planned parenthood office to take a pregnancy test, not because i thought i was prego but because jon did; i sat in the waiting room playing tetris on my cell phone waiting for the nurse to come back in and tell me i wasn't pregnant followed by questions and suggestions about birth control methods. to which i would inform her i wasn't currently on anything but i did have two months supply of orthoglysomething and i would be taking them after my next period and i would have taken them this past month but i got all confused on when i was suppose to start: it should be the first sunday after, but what if my period ended on a sunday? instead she came back in her pink scrubs and set down a blue piece of paper no bigger than a business card on the desk next to me. she then proceded to inform me that "the test results came back positive". i was pregnant. my mind went to a total daze yet i did everything to reflect complete coolness; i wanted to convey joy and excitement but i was shocked and not married and had just moved across the country and had just started a job and was without health insurance and my god my parents had already gone through this once and i wanted to honor them and not make them think they raised me to know better because they had they were wonderful and set nothing but godly examples for me to follow and on and on and on my thoughts went at a dizzying speed. i took the paper and looked at it myself then looked back up with a smile and said "thank you". hoping to rush out as fast as possible because i could feel the tears of fear rushing to my eyes. but the lady in pink wanted to inform me of all my options. to which i wanted to puke. i wanted to punch her right in the mouth for even uttering the word "termination" in reference to the pea in my pod. i told her No Thank you before she could even finish and so she tried again and again i told her NO THANK YOU. i might have had the look of a dear in the headlights but i was more than happy to take responsability for my actions.

it was in my car i cried. it was the saddest cry ever. not because i was pregnant and because of all those said fears but because i was crying and not celebrating as i knew i should be. after a few minuetes i pulled out and began driving, to where i didn't know i was just driving to move to move to think. i called jon and as calmly as possible told him i had been to PP for the pregnancy test, and he was right: i was. we played hot potatoe with the freak out. i found myself in a parking lot in front of a ups store coming to terms with it all going be OK.

a year ago. one year ago. today.



back in that waiting room i had no idea what today would be like, i merely knew i would there and it would be totally different from everything i knew. and it is; it is amazing and incredible, and rewarding, and fulfilling, and like my husband said the other night, "i don't know why i didn't have a kid years ago". it's like that, what everyone says it will be: that you just can't imagine what life was about before.

when conrad looks at me my heart is rushed a new beat; i thank the heavens above.

the hardest thing i ever had to do was to say goodbye to michelle in dallas. i was thinking about it today: revisiting that first hour in the car, her in my rear view mirror as i drove down Main St. i cried till the dallas skyline was a blur then i turned up some nostaglic tunes and zoned out.

no relevance, just thinking about it.

i'm listening to conrad breathe through the monitor. he's napping good. sometimes he snores, and at night between him and jon it's a wonder i get any sleep at all. i'm constantly tapping on jon's shoulder informing him YES he is snoring...again. at first it was a kick in the shin but he suggested i not beat the shit out of him and instead simply let him know( which is what i thought i was doing by kicking him in the first place. but anyways).

his brother is getting married in january and conrad is going to be the ring bearer. i wonder if i can dress him up in a costume instead of a suit. it's a silver wedding so i'm thinking he could be a bell or a baby seal. maybe just a diaper and top hat. yah.

you should see the kiddo, he's practically sitting himself up all by himself and grabbing his feet and putting anything and everything his tiny little hands can grab into his mouth and laughing when his daddy and i throw him dangerously into the air.



motherhood is better than i could have ever hoped or dreamed it would be. in fact, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. i feel like i've finally realized what is i'm here to do. all the past disappointments and regrets and windy roads no longer are dredged with ill feelings but now with thankfulness that this is where they lead me to. sounds worse than what i'm wanting to transpire. err. i mean, i always seemed to make the wrong decisions and that always lead me to regret and to feel disappointed and painfully longing for that yellow brick road that would magically land me in the right place at the right time but it never happened like that; everytime i was given a chance to project myself to a place i aspired to be i fcked it up, i dropped the ball, i pulled a me.

i think he's woken up. i hear tiny coo's. such a perfect little baby he just waits oh so patiently.

typically after i've had breakfast, done the dishes, swept the kitchen floor, and expressed some breast milk-from the monitor comes a soft little coo: conrad is awake. i drop everything dead in its tracks and hustle back to the bedroom because my new favorite thing is about to happen. i peak over the bassinett to see the little guy staring up at his mobile in awe and wonder and then i say "Hello Conrad" to which his eyes grow big while moving to the sound of my voice and there when his eyes reach mine, they almost jump right out of there sockets and a huge smile takes over his face. it's absolutely priceless!



it's been an awesome past 10 weeks here in the eggert home. our lifes are so vastly different from before conrad: the living room has become an obstacle course of toys and swings and bouncers and playmats, our evenings are spent reading picture books and making silly faces, and conversation usually revolves around what the other one missed while not looking or working or grocery shopping.

before just a couple, but now, so much more, a family.

and that little addition that made the family, little C, he's more adorable than ever. always surprising us with his personality and developments and the ability to suck on me till he throws up. he's also very particular, and that i didn't see coming. one of his points of desire is to be held facing out. which would be a whole lot easier if i had a durable baby carrier but we don't so my poor, poor arms and back are getting the toning of a lifetime.

next weekend we'll be going back up to portland for conrad to meet his aunt michelle. i'm really excited about my sister not only coming to see her nephew, to spend time with me, but to see and fall in love with the city of portland. it's been something i've been wishing for since we moved here.

my birthday was last week. i'm 27 now. and whereas at 26 i still felt young and fresh- now that i've turned a year older- i all of a sudden feel old and dull: that my early twenties have left me for good, and all that lies ahead is the impending doom of aging. and yet that melodramatic nature right there keeps a little of my youth alive. ;)

we didn't do much. cross that: we did nothing. the weekend before jon made me bread pudding and that was that. it seemed fitting although. like taking the effort and time to celebrate me would be all wrong. i don't know why, it just did and does. (although i did celebrate the hell out of the manolo blahniks michelle sent me.)



i was blown away to see how many still remember despite the distance and time that has come between; it never ceases to amaze me at the collection of good souls i somehow managed to collect and keep as friends through all these years.

be here with me

the air has chilled. the grass in the front yard has turned back to green. the roses outside the window are in bloom. it's perfectly cloudy. magnetic fields is playing. the wind chime on the front porch is chirping. the baby is sleeping in his bouncer.

the dishes wait for me. as do the blankets on the bed, the weeds in the flower bed, the dust on the entertainment center, the bills, and the sirloin in the fridge.

we'll be having fagitas tonight.

and i'll have flowers from our yard in a vase on the kitchen table; the pink ones that just recently bloomed. i've been itching to get my hands on them.

i have plans and ideas and an overwhelming desire to have my sister here to carry them out with me.

like a herb garden. and a membership at the local rock climbing gym.

so how bout that ranch in northern california, twenty minutes to be here with me sounds good enough.

my sunshine, my only sunshine

one year ago you wouldn't have been able to pull me away from a night out with stephanie and free boozes, yet this past thursday i was wanting nothing more than to pull jeremy and myself away and down the road back to salem, back to little C. i realize just how much i've changed when what was comes face to face with what is: the social butterfly to the mother. an old aquaintance who has one on the way himself wondered if everything really does begin to seem sooo unimportant when the baby arrives and "more than that", i told him, "you wonder what priorities were before your child was born".

that same night conrad turned 7 weeks. we celebrated it with lunch on a patio in the hawthorne district, diaper changes in a tour bus, a bottle under a nice shaded tree, lots of new faces, being held by miss stephanie, and a million kisses from his mommy.

here are some pictures from our weekend. hope you enjoy!

one year ago today...i was at the Four Seasons getting a massage. i remember laying there on that soft bed of linens in that lightly dimmed room with the smell of aromatic candles and oils sifting through the air while the masseuse applied the perfect amount of pressure to my back, thinking how bizzare life was, because in that same moment that life was treating me more than Fair i was well aware life was being nothing but Unfair to the residences of New Orleans.

and still to this day when i experience a moment where i know i'm blessed beyond belief my mind soon drifts to how in that same moment someone might have found out there husband was cheating on them or perhaps life became too much for someone to want to live anymore and i could go on and on and on of all the horrible curve balls life Does throw and i'm immediately humbled and overcome with a sense of obligation to be a better person, to, even though i know it has nothing to do with deserving it or not deserving it, to somehow in someway merit the goodwill come my way.

to, if nothing else, thank the good Lord above and pray for those who need a day at the Four Seasons Spa.

how we roll at 8am.

oh conrad, everyday i wake up and think i couldn't possibly love you anymore than i do but then i look at you, and your cuter than i remembered and in that moment of realizing your mine and i'm yours my heart takes a plunge, going deeper to somewhere i've never chartered before.

i am sooooooo floored that i get to be your Mommy.

i can't believe you turn 5 weeks tonight. it seems like yesterday we brought you home, yesterday when we were bewildered on just exactly how to put you in your car seat, yesterday when you felt so fragile in my arms, yesterday when you couldn't quite lift your head, yesterday when the only smiles you gave were for gas.

a few days ago you gave me your first "social" smile. we were in the kitchen, i was holding you talking about what i should eat for breakfast , you were staring so intently into my eyes and then It happened: that beautiful smile came over your face, your eyes light up, and you grinned with even more excitement as i returned the gesture. i thought i had died and gone to heaven.

your uncle jeremy was back in town this past weekend. your really into his guitar and absolutely get giddy when he serenades you. on saturday morning i left you with him and your daddy so i could do the laundry and do some garage sale-ing. while i was out the two of them put on a show for you and i was told about you couldn't stop smiling. to which, i wasn't surprised. your quite the musical baby. music is one of our best weapons to combat your fussiness. you take naps to the sounds of sigur ros and kings of convience, are pacified when i sing you lullabys, and mystified into total attentiveness when your daddy plays you the bass. i have no dount in my mind that one day, in some form or fashion, you will be a little musician yourself.

on sunday it seemed you were bored so i went to Target and bought you a Baby Einstien play mat. now i wish i had bought a video camera to go with it to capture how vigorously you kick your legs and flare your arms at the excitement it offers you. and oh my dear god, when you actually grabbed one of the swinging toys dangeling down...well that seemed to be the ultimate rush for you.

you've also begun demonstrating your opinions in an individualistic vociferously manner. ecspecially when it comes to eating, more or less when being taken away from the boobie before you decide that your done. the noises that come from your sweet little self are too good to be true. the first time it happened i had to look around the room for another source of such...err, such...uniqueness. and somethings just bother you. like the other day when i was washing the dishes and you were in your bouncer right behind me, i was talking to you and you were smiling and then all of a sudden a soapy plate slipped through my fingers and at the end of it's descent into the sink it made a loud CLANG noise to which you lost your shit over. it took nearly 30 minutes to quell your spirit back into serenity; you were so distraught and i felt like a complete ass for soaping that plate too much.

i'm trying my hardest at being the perfect mommy for you. i really, really am. i'm taking notes on what you like and what you don't like, how you want to loved and interacted with, and what all i can give you for now and the future.

yesterday morning conrad and i took advantage of the cool, overcast weather and our spiffy dual car seat stroller. we set out on a walk, our first walk. we headed downtown, to the post office, to the coffee shop; discovered a tasty treat at Mellalos called Nut Coffee, and spilled some on the car seat on the walk back home. shit for shocks. overall, the whole ordeal yesterday went so well that this morning i decided we should make the 15 min drive out to ashland and walk the trail at lithia park, lay down a blanket under a tree, read some books, take a nap.

i couldn't figure out how to fold the car seat into it's portable feature so back to downtown we went. we repeated the previous morning with a few improvisations: i got my short Nut Coffee in a tall glass to eliminate spillage, we headed down Fir instead of Grape St, and we stumbled upon a baby boutique where i found my million dollar already spoken for. i guess i'm not the only mom who's realized after being peepeed on for the fiftieth time that something needed to be invented. on our walk back home, a homeless guy tried to say Hi. (note the tried because i pretended not to understand english. very difficult when done in silence.). unfortunately, he was heading the same direction as us. every few minuetes he would stop and glance back and i would grab my cell phone or make hand gang signs at him. the whole exchange dissolved when a stampede of firetrucks and cop cars whizzed past us, stopping in front of our house. immediately i begun to go down the list of appliances that might have been left on that could have started a fire: straightening iron...Off, and that's pretty much all i could think of. so then i began crafting possible scenerios, like where a homeless person {we live near a mission and drug house} jumped over our fence only to be mauled to death by Lou, or two spunned hobos got in a needle/aluminim can fight in our front yard. as i approached the house i noticed the drama wouldn't involve me afterall but my neighbors curtis and stevie. i hope everythings ok. i hope the hobos weren't bothering them.

once home i was soon enlightended that conrad had filled his diaper to the max. yellow poop juice had leaked from the trusty leak-proof wings onto his outfit. typically, i would say having to start the endless outfit changing at 11 o'clock in the morning sucks but this time around i wasn't bummed. see all morning strangers kept asking if he was a boy or a girl (i speculate this was because his outfit had a pink giraffe on it) so i was glad to have an excuse to get him into something indisputably boyish. he's grown like a weed in the past 4weeks, 2 lbs heavier and 4 inches longer to be exact. so i felt confident in him fitting into his orange tiger outfit. which he is rocking loud and snug.

greatness.

Conrad Emery Eggert
July 20th, 2006
7.9 oz. 19 in.

happy 3 weeks dear baby of mine. last night at 2:20am to be exact. i would have woke you but we had just been up a hour before. you had a quick snackie on my titty and then dropped a load before dozing back off again. while i was feeding you i saw something big and black crawl across the floor into the living room. i didn't tell you then, as you looked so content and happy but it really scared the crap out of mommy and still this morning i can't help but do a little freak out at every dark thing i see. but you my dear are doing awesome. at two weeks you had already gained over a whole pound! the doc orginally told us our goal was to have you back at birth weight at two weeks so we are all astounded at how well your eating and growing. you have quite a bit of trouble with digesting your grub it seems; this morning you woke yourself little past six am because of the toil in trying to pass gas. you make funny faces and grunt when your going number two, which cracks daddy and mommy up to smitherrens. one night back when you were only a week your daddy, gramma, and i were all changing your diaper (Team Conrad, we called ourselves); you were still pooping out that crap they call melaconium; we had your diaper off and were cleaning your bum when you decided to go again and again and again and again, grimacing all the while. gramma was on the floor laughing herself to tears, daddy was gasping in shock, and mommy was doing her best to hold your legs up out of the heap of crap while laughing uncontrollably. your bowel movements have become entertainment around here. though i'm a little concerned you might be lactose intolerant, and i hate seeing you in such discomfort. otherwise, your a perfectly healthy and happy baby. you love the sensory bouncer godmommy rachel got you. anytime i need to be hands free all i have to do is set you in it and your good as gold. ecspecially if Mr. Bee is in sight. developmentally your two months ahead of schedule. which brings me back to Mr. Bee who you try to grab and make cooing noises at. all things newborns are suppose to be incapable of.



you love to be read to. your favorite book is Polar Bear, Polar Bear What Do You Hear; you also like Old Bear, Max The Minnow, The Teddy Bear ABC, and Good Dog Carl( Lou). when we read to you, you look at the pictures following the story with your eyes. it's amazing how smart you are. you also love it when daddy plugs in the bass and plays with you laying right next to him. you've even played a cord already. you and your daddy have an incredibly bond: when your fussy all it takes is for your daddy to pick you up and lay you in his lap. you had your first bath this week and you did great. no crying, no nothing. just happy as a clam. anytime i need to wash you (like when you pee on yourself) ,you don't seem to mind at all. i have a feeling your going to be a waterbaby, which has me stoked. i can't wait to teach you how to swim and how to dive!!!! maybe when your old enough we could get a two man kayak and spend all our weekends out on the river. your daddy is equally excited at the thought of taking you fishing but we are both LOVING having you the size and age you are at this very moment. you couldn't be anymore precious than you are. really son, your perfect.

by this time tomorrow i assume i'll be holding my child, outside of my uterus. yes, my whole world is about to change, more than it already has, more than i'm sure i can project, imagine. there will be family in the waiting room; i wish some of them where the ones i'm more familar with, more comfortable with. neverless, they will be there: excited, elated, thrilled, and overwhelmed with the same sense of awe and gratefulness jon and i both share. my mother won't be far behind in the festivities. she'll make it a few hours late but, undoubtedly, in need, by me.

jon has his clothes laid out; i went to old navy today and bought an outfit i hope will fit the new transitional body of me; the diaper bag is loaded with diapers, nursing bra pads, numerous onesies, booties, mittens, a hand stitched hat from stephanie, a blanket from rachel, and a soft square toy that won some grand toy prize. tonight, before i attempt at going to bed i'll place everything by the front door. then in the morning: make sure i remember my cell phone charger, tooth brush, tooth paste, lou has a full dish of food, all the lights are off, and the baby's room is dust free (an on-going battle between me and dead skin cells!) . and i bet i'll cry all the way to the hospital. i don't need to see the little guy to know i already possess an immense amount of love for him i never knew was humanly possible-to know i'm hours( then in the morning even closer) to holding this thing i love more than anything else, makes me all light headed, flushed with so many emoutions it's hard to breathe them all in one breath. love has reached a new dimension i never knew existed.

at some point i'll make it back here. unfortunately until we get the internet at home, i'll have no pictures to upload, but i'll have stories and a baby.

currently: having a contraction. i just trumped every drunk blogger Ever.

i dreampt the other night i found this truely adorable diaper bag for ten dollars. it was italian and leather. and on friday night i caught myself at a firework show checking out other mom's strollers; mentally comparing, rating, which ones i would like, conrad would like, look good in. i'm forcing myself to get my hair cut tomorrow. it's been too long and things are getting unruly; i need to keep the balance, i'm afraid one day i'll be That poor lady on What Not To Wear or Ten Years Younger. it's consuming, and all i want to do is throw myself into it's throngs: conrad emery. forget the fact my roots are terrifying, forget every owning a pair of prada high heeled boots, forget it all. god, i'm stoked. it really could be any moment now. Now. but if it's not he'll, whether he likes it or not, be here on the 19th. that's the docs orders.

if my(and by MY i mean JON'S) camera wasn't in texas, and if we weren't so poor (pronounced phooh) (so i could download the pics), i could have everyone reading this crying, and pitying me, instead.

the hubbie went fishing last weekend with his brother. once on friday night then again on saturday and sunday. it was friday night's excursion below 4000 ft., jon's forgetfulness to put his possible poison oaked clothes in a separate plastic bag, and my wearing his t'shirts to bed that has me from neck to knees covered in a red, puss filled rash. not too mention, incredibly ITCY. of course, jon didn't get a lick of it and contributes this to him being a true woodsmen. also, uber lucky.

i've spent the past few nights sleeping on the coach as we are afraid the bed is contaminated so today i'm going to laundry mat and washing everything fifty times.

it's all i've got for today and maybe for the next two weeks.

i wonder if hitting rock bottom is finding regis and kelly live enjoyable, dear i admit...humorous. yes, that was me this morning: belly full of peanut butter toast and chocolate milk, laying on the coach with the world's most comfortable blanket, unable to change the channel, afraid to look up in case i really was down.

because damn that kelly is sassy and witty, and talk about chemistry! her and regis are just a fantastic duo.

watching had me wanting a new york visit. and new york visits get wanting self-gratification, expensive lingere, european shoes, lunches in soho, days dedicated to the MET, and More out of Everything. it's a wonderfully evil place. i'm so overwhelmed with the frustrations of life right now: the fodder of fights and restless nights that most married couples go through that i always thought i'd be cooler than and more prepared so to avoid but here i am in it's grip and it's killing me and thus, annoying the hubs.

i feel so incredibly useless; so terribly upset with myself for getting myself here unprepared and even more, letting it affect me as it is.

a snow cone could fix this all, if only for the sugary ice melting 15 minutes it would take to devour. but oh, Where?

not a dime of time for self-editing. i admire the polished and composed, much more than i should. i find there is nothing glamorous about someone falling apart or fragments hanging from the celing post or a man crying(still sorry all the these years later) or dirty nails or runny eye liner, not even chunky highlites for that matter. which is why i have never understood the appeal of courtney love and loathe at my own inablity to transpire, on here, proper grammar and correct spelling. it's what drives me to scrub the grout lines in my kitchen and idolize gwneyth paltrow's style. it's more or less a virgo thing, i assume.

conrad is due in exactly one month from day. jon and i went to half a day Birth Preparation Class on saturday. half a day because we're both intolerable know-it-alls who decided we really didn't need the class afterall. however, i did find some of the information given to be useful, for instance, i'm almost 75% sure i'm going with the epidural now that i know the feel good juice won't med conrad. the only factor holding me back from a full 100 is the knowledge that once injected your immobile, stuck in bed. that, when in light of the fact first time babies typically take anywhere from 16-24 hrs to have, has me a little hesitant to be bed ridden for so long.

and there is my nickle.

before i explode, or "POP", and time, as i've been told, will disappear into the thin air around me until the one day i wake up to find myself at a highschool graduation wearing Birkenstocks and loving Oprah:

we moved about a month ago. out of an oddly spacious garage apartment we put our blood and sweat into-into a lovely little house with hardwood floors, an oven, a splendid yard, two bedrooms, and a pond in the front yard-in the medford ghetto..so to speak. the only thing to put it over the top would be cable, internet, a dishwasher, and the sounds of bullfrogs and owls as i go to sleep. i haven't quite got the baby room done. need a dern crib still!!! nor am i as ready for conrad as i know, 4 weeks out, as i should be. i could make a list of the neccasities but i'll restrain myself.

the trip to texas was awesome. a little hot and muggy but damn did it feel nice to have my sister with me and spend so much time with my parents...

hubbie just called, needs me to meet him at a gas station.

maybe next time i have a chance to post i'll be skinny.

jan 7,2006
part 1

breathing, bright sun. penetrating, motivating a rush of blood to my toes. toes because the head is always rushing, blood or no blood; seeking for some movement, a supernatural error in divine order of the Laws. i've been waiting for spring for seven rainy disimal months and now the temptress is here! what shall i do today, and what shall i not?!? the bump limits, and rightly so- he is over seven months old and as so is in the forfront of every thought, every decision, every movement, and me. i'll rock climb here soon enough, i'll go rafting next time around, i'll drink every person i know under the table after the breastfeeding is over. i'm going to be a mommy. a mommy. wow. i have these stoner moments all the time- my mind tripping, blowing, expanding at one single thought. flippin flip!!!

i bought the new Lips albumn. my first purchase in toooo long. it's the Lips alright and that's about it. i'm glad i got it but i wish i would have waited to find that Delgado albumn instead. that is a gem. a real shiny one.

my weekend consisted of a friday night out with my honey, an excuriatingly boring day at work, the iron chef, french toast at dolly vardens, yard work, fishing up in the high mountains, a downtown ice cream walk, and laundry. jon entertains me, fulfills me.

but hot dog, my trip back home is nearly here!!! me and boo reunited. one day we will all live in san diego together and life will be that cherry up on top.

(i have tried to upload seven other pictures, i hope this one does for now sweet des.)

how can i expect to actually deposit something here when i know being here means less time doing the things that must get done...like the flippin laundry?!? that great vast heep of dirty clothes demanding i not only wash and dry them but fold each one of them One At A Time. now there is a million dollar idea: a way to do laundry without doing the laundry! see, i have an intense case of liking things to be as simple as possible, so much that one day i might just sport a wig instead of taking the time to dry and flat iron or curl or whatever to my hair. it just takes up too much time, time i would rather spend doing anything else but. plus, if little conrad is ever going to attend a prep school like i want him to jon and i gotsta step up to the luck plate and hit one out of the park.

segway

i registered last night on target.com for my nonexistant bridal shower so please if you wish to send my little tyke something i suggest you make your wishing a reality and go there immediately. i really would have liked to register at IKEA but the damn swedes aren't up to speed with such things. i still plan on getting the crib and changing table there; the price and look is just too right! we are also about to get a new couch which might not seem, to those whom have never seen this piece of junk, like news worthy of mention but OH it is. i mean, our couch is in such bad shape that i would be embarrassed to have the salvation army drive over and pick it up. seriously.

the trip to texas is on and i'm so incredibly stoked!!!!! i'll be there for two weeks but am still unsure at if i will be able to spend some if any time in dallas. if so you will be able to find me at the allgood cafe stuffing my face; michelle has a few other restaurants she has discovered since my departure that i must experience, as well do we plan on hitting the nasher( oh! nasher at nights, jazz under the stars in a garden of art with martinis and rach...how i love those memories so!!!!!) , the aquarium, and buffalo exchange. it would be nice to see a few familar faces as well ;)

road trip to corpus anyone?

Here Ye, the perfect sandwhich was made yesterday. screw your reservations with eatzies, if i had bone bread i too would be rolling in the dough as well.

damn, is there anything better than El Gato in the morning?!? if my life has a soundtrack i hope the entire albumn of We're Birds get's played over and over again. really, i can think of no other albumn that has the same effect on me. Built To Spill comes close but as michelle says, "it might be a chocolate chip but it ain't no cookie".

portland was awesome, a much needed retreat from the hodrum of medford. but now jon and i are joksing(?) for another visit, another trip, more interaction, more card games, more waterfalls. i didn't get a crib, but i did get a speeding ticket despite by pitiful attempt at using my pregnancy as a scape goat.

the weather here as been flawless. everything is in bloom. the grass is a green i have never seen in nature, electric...neon. daphadilles spring up everywhere from the side of the highway to front yards to parking lots. the valley floor is plagued with trees budding white and pink popcorn and yellow weeping willows. jon and i have been waiting for a nice weekend to get our hands dirty in the garden and it looks like this weekend might just be the ticket.

another great discovery this week has been Safeway, a partner grocery store with Tom Thumb. it's fair trade, the aisles are big enough for two shopping carts, i can find the chicken, they sell both my favorite cookies ( LU's cinnamon biscuits) and the best brand of deli meat and cheeses out there, Primo Taglio. believe it or not but when your hundreds of thousands of miles away from home such small things that remind you of being back home are like nuggets of comfort. hence my new infatuation with Starbucks.

late for work.

before time evades me once more, here i go:

as informative and useful as my "Your Pregnancy Week by Week" book has been it has failed to warn me that in week 23( or whatever the 6 month mark is) your belly button becomes a third nipple. thank the good Lord above i was born with an half innie otherwise my third nipple might be mistaken as a penius. who's penius exactly would be the fun part.

warning: spell check was not done.

the sensation, the indescribable elation at seeing my unborn child for the first time, having a pocketful of pictures as a memory token, and a kinkos down the street from work from which i've been planning, at times, attempting, to utilize thier facility to scan these unbelievable images of my son onto a cd in hope to share with you and my ever loosing patience family the miracle of life in my tummy had left me waiting till the day i actually got them on here to blog. the Day, that Day, seems to be somewhere over the rainbow together with my wedding pictures running before me, egging me on with a carrot tied to a string, so till then i'll tarry on, i'll try to put in words how humbling and joyous and mind blowing it is to watch on an inexcusably small monitor that appears to be connected to heaven this tiny object grab it's tiny legs, then, like looking at one of those pictures in the mall, with the assisted visual coaching of a trained technican, making out the head, the heart, the chest cavity, counting two arms, two legs, and one "definitive" male organ in between; except at the mall the pictures are typically of ufo's in the celestial nightsky or unicorns prancing through fields of daisies and butterflies. but yah, i'll try: !!!!! .

the best advise anyone gave me as to what the sex would be was from kristy, because truely, i thought it was going to be a girl; so hence, therefore, as kristy warned/advised me, it must be a boy. i really didn't care before if it was a boy or a girl, but now that i know i'm indisputably having a dude, i would be heartbroken if he was a she. my mind and imagination are teeming with the days that will spent fishing in creeks, going to little league games, taking kuddie shots, running around the apartment like race car drivers, and disinfecting around the toliet bowl. i know little boys can be hell raisers, will be hell raisers, but in my opinion God hit the mark with giving me a little dude. jon seems to be stoked with the sonogram outcome as well, almost as if his manlihood was increased by procreating a x and y chromosone. we are still batting back and forth name ideas, conrad topping the charts; neverless, indecisiveness and jr. high memories of the kids who got teased plagues any real finality.

as for the the exterior of our little boys temporary lodging, i'm beginning to look like i am, ostensibly, more than just bloated or a beer gut bartender chic. the shape of pregnancy has transformed my akwardly bulbeous abdomen into a shapely defined, rather large and growing as i write, pug. finding maternity clothes that fit have proven to be a pestilent situation; i have thankfully retained my small physique, give or take an extra five pounds in the ass, and as such size small isn't small enough and so i'm faced with the plight of buying clothes online where stores like Gap offer size 0 and 2 in maternity apparel. all i really need are one good pair of jeans that i can sit comfortably on the coach in and i'll be happy.

next weekend jon and are i planning on going up to portland, i'm hoping we come back with a crib. i've already found a few i really like, props to craigslist. their won't be a baby room for quite a while but still- i would love to get going on his corner of the room as soon as possible. we have discussed the decorating theme and we both like the concept of doing a fairy tale like world around his crib. in desire to paint such a world on the area of the room designated for the baby i've looked for books on how to draw various such characters and objects at the library to no avail. which is probably best...for my walls.

day by day i'm introduced to new sensations: the constant urge to go to the bathroom, the itchiness of my belly, the kicks and stretches of my son inside me, the uncontrollable gas, the greatness of second trimester sex, and the piercing pain of my side when my son is laying on my sciatic nerve. just this evening as i layed on the coach watching the evening news, gently rubbing a spot on my belly that was dying for an itch, i felt the baby begin to squirm, a "tickled" sort of squirm, so i continued to dance my fingers along the obviuos spot where he layed, laughing uncontrollably at the squirms going on within.

so often i catch myself mystifying the past in embellished grandeur, longing for the days that were instead of paying homage to the present and what i might long for if only it was already a memory. i hope not to make that make mistake now; to relish every moment in the moment. i understand this oppurtunity might not ever come again just as much as it will come again, either way i find refuge in knowing i'm cherishing every second of it. even this one.

taking it with me, in spirit and in unsurpassable fondness.

recently...

i've been reading: Master Mind: The Rise and Fall of Fritz Haber, The Nobel Laureate Who Launched The Age of Chemical Warfare.

in the previous two days i was able to start and finish: Devil In The White City.

listening to alot of: Swervedriver, the Danes, and Whiskeytown.

eating too much of: Samoas Girl Scout Cookies and Arbys.

making it a habit to: have a daily shot of wheatgrass. (the claim is one ounce is equivalent to 2 lbs of leafy greens. astonishing if true.)

totally addicted to: sweet ice tea

syyked about: my first sonogram on Monday.

wearing: striped pj shorts and a t'shirt that reads, "Don't Give Me Any Drugs".

procrastinating for no good reason: going to the post office for much needed two cent stamps and making the 'round of calls' and emails. how it's been ages!!!

tomorrow: is my day off though i'm meeting with the management at the City to talk shop about the position offered to be Big Chief of Swimming Bull this summer; after which i plan on taking a past due yoga class, then coming back home to fulfill my domestic responsabilities as Head Custodian.

craving: Breadwinners, Allgood Cafe, and the chicken n' dumplings at TABC(in light that it is, in essence, chicken, cream, and dough, i find no hesitation in claiming their version as culinary brilliance).

i'd really like: a massage and my little sister, in terms of physical domain, to be no further than 25 miles in proximity from me.

on myspace: i recieved a 'friend request' from my highschool french teacher. i accepted for the bizaare quality.